


Everything Keeps Us Apart

by StarryKitty013



Series: 98% successful [8]
Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Awkwardness, Flash is an Asshole, Homework, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Memes, Michelle is trying, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Ned Leeds is the best bro, Peter I can't communicate my feelings Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Puppy, Peter is learning, Seriously he deserves everything, Sort Of, Teenagers, Texting, Unrequited Love, by any means necessary, cause why not, hurt sort of comfort, slowly, who needs protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-22 11:58:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15581484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKitty013/pseuds/StarryKitty013
Summary: OR 5 times Peter almost broke and 1 time he (silently) did





	1. Shock

**Author's Note:**

> Let's get back on that angst train. I only have one chapter of this done, so don't expect too much soon. I needed an interlude between times and I was just like, hey we haven't seen MJ and Peter in a while so let's do that before I hit you with the Avengers stuff.  
> SO Spideychelle-turlude  
> I hate that ship name, ignore me. Also I know I made MJ a asshat in the last one, that wasn't ever my intention to keep her that way. Anyways, making her an asshat was NOT a plot error.  
> I think I'm giving away something, I don't know. I had a lot of ideas over July and not enough time to write them all down. It's a mess up in my head, and I've been spending the better part of the afternoon ignoring shit I actually need to do over making this. I have a plot I swear.  
> Enjoy!  
> PS, I'm sticking with the Greatest Showmen theme for these ;)

**Testing**

 

First day of school was stressful for everyone. Getting supplies, and making sure you had the right ones for the classes, while not over doing it as to look like an over prepared geek- even at Midtown, where they were all geeks and nerds. Find the right classes, and reconnecting with fake friend groups you never talked to over the summer. Making a good first impression on your teachers. Everything down to your shoes had to be perfect.The second day was always easier because you didn’t care by then.

 

The first day of Junior year wasn’t like that. You already knew the school supply list was crap and brought your own pack of Kleenex to go during winter and a folder and pencil and few pieces of paper to every class, because you knew that you didn’t need a big binder that you never used. You already knew where all the rooms and classes were because you’ve passed them too many times to not have it engraved into your memory. You had already made friends and already had your spots at the Lunch room and you ate with your grade anyway, so it really didn’t matter. And all the teachers either knew about you or didn’t and by that point it was hard to change their opinions of you, because they knew you were all fake during the first moment you walked in this school anyway, so whatever. You wore sweatpants and a T-shirt and didn’t care cause it didn’t matter. 

 

Yep, Junior year was getting off to a chill start. No stress or pressure, you’ve been coming to school for 11 years now and you had your own system. Teachers expect you to have your shit together especially at Midtown. And popularity groups didn’t matter anymore because you were applying for college and SAT and ACT were coming up and you’ve got to study for them. You had no time to think about what your social status was and who was being fake to you and who wasn’t. You just rolled with it at this point. It didn’t matter anyway, you were going to college soon and living your own life, it didn’t matter if you saw these people again ever.

 

Even being a block away, Peter was still as nervous as he was when he left the apartment to walk to school. But that was normal, for Peter to be anxious and nervous and jumpy and  _ waiting for something to happen _ . It was a Peter Parker thing, and he wasn’t as anxious and nervous and jumpy and  _ waiting for something to happen _ , as he was during Freshman or Sophomore year. He opened his phone to check his schedule that was emailed to him. 

 

_ So what are you gonna do Pete? _

 

He shook the memory of Toomes in the car from his head. It was so random and unwanted. He stared more intently at the phone in his hand then necessary.

 

The classes he took that year were mostly study halls since he didn’t have to take PE and he had one more year of English, this year was AP Lit with Mr.Harrington. Peter would prefer Mr.Harrington over most teachers here, even if he was a little awkward, and unlike his AP Lang teacher last year. Lit was easier than Lang anyway, he would know, he studied the textbooks at the Library. What? He had nothing better to do. Then he had AP Bioengineering with Mr.Stix, because he’d already taken AP Bio in Freshman year. Mr.Stix was a nice guy, but gave killer tests but easy quizzes. Then it was AP Economics with Mr.Buntrix, who was a grade A pain in the ass apparently. But it was required for Midtown students to take Personal Finance and Econ, or AP Econ. Sure he would have taken the two separate courses, but Peter was always an overachiever and it’d be his last required class to take because he’d already passed the Advanced High School Diploma requirement of 4 levels in each of the core classes, 2 PE/Health courses, 1 Fine Art/ Music, 1 Engineering/Computer course, and Personal Finance & Econ/AP Econ. He had Junior Lunchtime, and then AP Mechanical Engineering with Mr.Stone, who really didn’t care what his students did, so long as they didn’t die and he was the only Mechanical Engineering teacher they had, so he was kid of stuck with him. Not that Peter minded, he liked having free reign over stuff like that without someone breathing down your neck. Especially when he was making Spidey gear. Then on his alternate day, he started with, Calculus BC with Ms.Nora, who was also a pretty chill teacher, but Calculus BC  was the highest math course that he could take, so he might do a college online course next year. He also had Mr.Fitz for AP Psych, and he was a hard case sometimes, but most of the time he was cool and chill, so long as you didn’t do anything to piss him off. Then he had AP Chemical Engineering with Ms.Kelly, having taking AP Chem with her last year, he was sort of excited this year, also he needed a Chemistry lab to make his webs. As long as he sat in the back he should be good, she never really paid attention to the back as much as she should’ve, or scratch that, she never really paid attention to Peter because she trusted him and he was a good and smart kid, but she was nice. Lunch and then Free Period with Mr.Harrington in the Library, or anywhere really, so long as you told him. Peter usually spent Free Periods in the Library, or if he didn’t have anything to do or the class was in the Basement, where the Mechanical Engineering lab was, or in the Chem lab he’d just fool around in there. The teachers didn’t really care, because he was responsible and smart and wouldn’t do anything dumb. So yeah his schedule was pretty cool, next year he wouldn’t have to do mostly all of those things, he might just take a few knock off classes like Keyboarding or Band 2, but he didn’t think too much on it.

 

_ Everyone in that school has their life basically planned out already, huh? _

 

He walked into Midtown and found his locker and dialed in the code that the email said and opened his new locker and put some textbooks from his bag in there. Ned kind of snuck up on him with a “Hey dude!” and Peter jumped a bit.

 

_ Something. _

 

Peter spun around and lightly glared at his best friend closing his locker as Ned took a step back so they could walk next to each other.

 

“Ned, don’t do that.” he said knowing that it was useless, Ned would definitely do it again and he knew it by the grin plastered on his best friend’s face. He’d actually want to do it now more than ever, knowing that his best friend was Spiderman, and who  _ wouldn’t _ want to scare the  _ Spiderman _ , even a little. 

 

“Hey dude, where you been? I haven’t seen you like for all of last week and then some.” Ned said and Peter looked at him, he hadn’t seen his guy in the chair for 9 days, 6 of those days being on an impromptu vacation with Tony Stark and the Avengers. Ned had been gone 3 of those days on his own family vacation. He must’ve forgotten to tell him.

 

“With the Avengers.” he responded and Ned got a little excited.

 

“You were on a mission with them? What did you do? Or is it classified?” he started listing off questions in an excited whisper yell that he was sure people could hear if they cared enough to listen - that always kind of made him panic because  _ people could hear _ \- and Peter was reminded of when Ned had found out about Spiderman last year and was saying questions so fast he only had the time and patients to tell him yes or no and then tell him to shut up.

 

“No, Ned. It was a beach trip.” he said and then looked at the time, he had to get ot English in two minutes. Ned was about to speak again, probably to ask what he meant but Peter cut him off. “I’ll tell you the rest in…”

 

“Bioengineering, Math, Phych?” Ned said listing off the first three classes, Peter nodded committing it to memory. 

 

“Lunch.” he said and Ned nodded and waved.

 

“See you then.” he said going to his class and Peter turned to go to his own class.

 

OoOoO

 

AP Lit with Mr.Harrington sounded fine. Mr.Harrington was chill and didn’t give much work, and no tests. Mostly independent study, and less lectures. 

 

But of course, he was the last one to enter the room. He wasn’t late, Mr.Harrington wasn’t even in the room yet and students were sitting in clumps on desks, their backpacks having already been in place where they were sitting. Peter tried to find an open seat, and finally found one in the second row, at the end closest to the window. He plopped his stuff down without looking at the person next to him and took out the new edition of the decathlon book he borrowed from the library, in waiting for Mr.Harrington to arrive. He arrived two minutes later.

 

“Hey students.” He said with his wary smile that looked awkward and a bit forced. “Welcome to AP Lit. I’m sure you all know that this is gonna be tough yadda yadda. AP test day is on May 10, so we got some time registration for testing opens next week, please register. Uhm… oh and one more thing.” he took out a paper and read directly from it “Midtown has a new policy. Due to the higher number of cheating in the state’s school system, you were to have assigned seats in every class and the students were to stay in that seat unless moved elsewhere.” Mr.Harrington recited and Peter didn’t think much of it as he looked to the person he was sitting next to, he felt himself go a bit paler. “So I guess the person you’re sitting next is stuck with you, since I don’t have assigned seating and all.” Mr.Harrington said, and Peter looked Michelle Jones right in the eyes.  _ Typical Parker Luck. _ And of course Mr.Harrington had to be the voice of his impending doom. “It’s required by the state.” There seemed to be a long pause before Mr.Harrington clapped his hands and said “Okay, so Lesson one.”

 

Of course he didn’t have a longer introduction.

 

OoOoO

 

Bioengineering was a bliss among blisses. Okay that made no sense, but it’s not like Peter had anyone to point that out in his mind.

 

Mr.Stix was chill, he had a syllabus and course, and they managed to finish early so Peter decided to get a jump start on his one page paper due in two days of how he thinks this year would go. He knew Mr.Harrington was expecting half the class to BS it cause it had been class work, and Mr.Harrington said they would always have a prompt to write every class, so he probably thought of it on the spot or something? Whatever, Peter was half way done with it by the end of Lit and he knew the only reason was because MJ was right there, and if they were still friends he’d get less than 10% of it done by the end of Lit. But they weren’t and Peter was adamant on keeping to himself. 

 

He wasn’t prepared for MJ just yet.

 

He was actually quite surprised he didn’t get a single class with Flash Thompson yet. Actually no, he wasn’t. Flash was dumb, the only class they had together last year was PE and Physics. Flash didn’t do so well cause it was an AP course, but Peter was taking all AP, so it wasn’t likly he’d see Flash. Wrong, he realized as he walked into Econ.  _ Parker Luck. _

 

Another thing, Mr.Butrix was an asshole. For his assigned seating, he actually assigned it. Mr.Stix let them pick, and Peter assumed all the teachers would, because they were a school of nerds and geeks who were too arrogant to cheat because like 93% of the school thought they were right and everyone else was dumb. He ended up next to Abe, which was cool cause they may not have been best friends, but at least they knew each other. But Mr.Butrix had a chart, and out of the 26 kids that took his class he was placed with MJ in the back of the room. Actually back of the room wasn’t that bad, he could probably sleep there, but not with MJ, cause she’d probably rat him out, so nope, it was torture. Also, Flash was on the other desk next to him, and all they had separating them was a tiny space that was a walkway. 

 

“Sup’ Penis, how was your summer?” Peter didn’t pay any mind to it, he was just thinking about how he had the worst luck in the world to end up with MJ in another class. No, that wasn’t the bad luck part, the bad luck part was that this probably wouldn’t have happened if they were still on talking terms. Was every class that wasn’t Engineering related gonna end up with her? She only took APs in English and other Cores, but she was more into politics than science so she probably didn’t take any extras of those, maybe. She might’ve been.  _ Parker Luck _ .

 

“Hey Penis, I’m talking to you.” Flash whispered harshly. Peter scribbled down what the teacher said cause he didn’t even have an introduction he just jumped right in.

 

This sucked.

 

They didn’t talk for the majority of class, and Peter was basically the first out of the room to go to Lunch barley scribbling down the three pages they had to write on the differences between needs and wants. MLA style. 

 

He rushed into the Lunch room and sat down at the table, rereading his Lit homework before ripping out a page in his notebook, but all the while thinking about MJ.

 

He didn’t even know why he was thinking about her  _ now _ . He hadn’t thought about her for the majority of summer, the last time he saw her it was just for like 15 seconds at most at a party. They hadn’t even looked each other properly in the eye, he didn’t even think she looked at him. MJ hadn’t been on his mind in a while, so why was she popping into his head now? 

 

Cause they had classes together? How many more classes would they have with each other? The anxiety was unsettling, but he  _ knew _ he would have to wait until tomorrow because she didn’t take Mechanical Engineering last year and she wouldn’t be in his class this year because of that. Math, Psyche and Study Hall. He hoped none of those classes would have her.

 

He chanced a glance back at MJ. She grown a bit taller, her legs were exposed due to her wearing of shorts. She was wearing a T-shirt and a light jacket was tied around her waist like always. She was reading Paradox by Catherine Coulter and drink tea like always. He didn’t even notice he was staring for longer than a glance before Ned plopped down next to him.

 

“No lunch again?” He wasn’t hungry. Peter shook his head and Ned sighed. Ned knew his best friend, he couldn’t force him into eating, but Peter knew Ned well enough that if he snagged some of his lunch then it was fine. Ned wouldn’t complain cause Peter needed to eat. 

 

He was pleasantly surprised when he found his friends this morning and he didn’t look any skinnier, if not a bit less pale and he could tell a little healthier. 

 

He was not pleased when Peter went radio silent after he’d come back from his trip, and the next time he saw him it was on the first day of school. He knew his best friend was busy, but if he was doing Spiderman things then shouldn’t Ned have known about it? Peter said he’d tell him now, and Ned had barely been keeping focus all day. 

 

“So you being gone? What’s up? Everything okay?” he asked. Peter looked like he was in his own world seemingly drafting out a paper, probably for a class, and Ned sometimes hated when Peter got like that, because he could hear everything around him, so when Ned needed to non-stop rant Peter would be in his own state of mind or focused on something and no interruptions and Peter would know exactly what was going on. It marveled Ned how he could do that, but it wasn’t so great when asking questions. He gave Peter a nudge.

 

“Oh, uh Beach trip. Yeah, Mr.Stark took the Avengers to the beach and needed me to tag along to take care of the kids.” Peter said distractedly, Ned noted.

 

“You don’t own trunks.” Ned pointed out and Peter seemed a little exasperated to answer.

 

“I do now.” Ned swore he heard a ‘ _ Mr.Stark is so extra _ ’ but didn’t comment on it.He continued to write on the paper. Something was bothering him, Ned could tell. 

 

“What’s that?” he asked curiously.

 

“Econ homework. 3 page paper.” Peter replied curtly. It frustrated Ned when he was like this, because Ned could tell something was off, and Peter would give the simplest of replies without actually saying anything. Peter Parker was a shit liar, but he was the master at hiding things.

 

“That’s rough.” Ned said letting the tiniest bit of edge into his tone, something he only did when he wanted Peter to know he knew something was wrong. Peter quickly glanced at him, and Ned knew he took the hint before going back to his paper.  _ That stubborn little _ “Butrix really that bad?” 

 

“Yeah.” Peter said and they sat in silence for a few minutes. “What class do you have next?” he asked and Ned was kind of caught off guard of not being the one to ask the next question. He tagged along, wanting to see where this went. Usually if Peter was upset and didn’t want to talk about it, Ned would ask the questions until he started to rant about it. Peter would try to talk as little as possible.

 

“Mechanical Engineering.” he said and Peter breathed a sigh of relief. “Peter what-”

 

“Was MJ in any of your classes today?”  _ Oh _ .  _ That’s what this was about _ . Ned wanted to sigh. Peter relapsed again. They were doing so well, with MJ having a boyfriend for nearly 7 months now, and they hadn’t talked about it for more than 3. Over the whole summer. Albeit, Peter didn’t know how to treat this MJ crush thing, so like most things, he pushed it aside and Ned was never strong in the love department anyway, so he let it. He usually wouldn’t, he knew when Peter did that sort of thing, it bottled up inside him and slowly tore him apart. He didn’t explode like most people.

 

He broke.

 

“Was she in yours?” Ned asked. Peter nodded.

 

“You didn’t answer my question.” Peter mumbled, he wasn’t looking up from the paragraph he wrote, but he wasn’t writing either, Ned sighed to himself.

 

“Math. We sit next to each other why?”

 

“Lit and Econ.” he said and waited a beat “And I’m next to her in both.”  _ Oh ouch _ . That meant during group projects and stuff he’d have to work with her and talk to her. “I haven’t talked to her yet…” Ned wanted to scream. They should just make up, this was getting stupid. It was crushing him from the inside out. 

 

“What if I have Psych or Study Hall with her?” Peter started to freak out, and Ned quickly swooped in.

 

“Peter, I have Study Hall with her tomorrow, last block.”

 

“That’s when  _ I _ have it.” Peter said with wide eyes. 

 

He was scared and looked lost. May and Ben usually were there when he was like this, but after May died, it seemed to be either getting more frequent, or he just wasn’t going to Ben. Which was weird because Peter knew Ben was always there for him. Peter knew Ben never thought of him as extra baggage, and Peter knew he could always lean on Ben. But recently, it’s like Peter is taking on the weight of the world more alone than with anyone else. He really didn’t need anymore weight, because Ned could see it: he was cracking and breaking and anymore weight would only make it worse.

 

He really needed to get over this.

 

“I think you two should talk.” Ned voiced. Peter finally looked up with a mix of horror and disbelief.

 

“I can’t Ned. I-”

 

“Peter you’re Spiderman. You can do anything. And I think it’s been long enough.” Ned said and looked Peter in the eyes, he knew Peter wanted to shy away, but he didn’t. “At least try?” he asked more hopefully.

 

“Okay.” Peter replied after a beat “I’ll try.”

 

OoOoO

 

As soon as Mr.Harrington said it she glanced next to her. It was only supposed to be a glance, but she ended up locking eyes with Peter Parker himself.

 

She hadn’t thought about him since that party at the beginning of summer. It was weird, Peter hates loud noises and bright lights, his enhanced senses amplified everything, and as soon as the alcohol was out she winced. Alcohol had strong odors even for her. She kept an eye on him, noticed he wasn’t with Ned either. Weird. Just very jumpy and out of it and looking like he didn’t want to be there. She could get that, she was only there for Charles, and Peter was probably there for Ned, having ditched him last time they went to a house party. Yeah, He probably didn’t, and MJ would’ve called him an idiot to his face, but they weren’t on speaking terms then and they weren’t now. 

 

So MJ kept her trap shut, mostly because she didn’t know what to say. Looks like Peter didn’t either with the silence he was pursuing, but Peter never knew what to say. It was up to her. It’d been nearly a year, they should probably make up. She actually  _ wanted _ to make up. Cause their fight was stupid and it was her fault and Peter was a great friend and she really  _ wanted  _  to have that friendship back.

 

The memes they used to send to each other. The shared homework. They helped each other in class. And they teamed up against Flash in PE and decathlon. And he’d know about the books she’d read and they’d have discussions about it. And he’d rant about somethings in science and let her rant about things in politics, something no one, not even Charles let her do. She missed it, and she missed Peter. 

 

But she didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t want to say the wrong thing. So she said nothing at all.

 

She had Calculus BC next, and it just so happened that Ned was sitting right next to her in that one.  _ Typical _ . _ You can’t have a Peter without a Ned. _

 

They were working on busy work for the end of class, which would probably be homework if she didn’t finish. It was a review of last year, so she knew it all, it’s just the questions were so tedious.  _ Peter could probably do it in his head. He probably would’ve had them done by now _ .

 

“God, I hate these. It’s so time consuming.” Ned mumbled. The great thing about Ned was the common ground. Since she and Peter haven’t been on talking terms, it didn’t mean Ned couldn’t. Albeit, without Peter they didn’t talk as much, but it was certainly less awkward than it would’ve and probably should’ve been.

 

“Right.” she said curtly and Ned groaned.

 

“I wish I had Peter’s brain. He’d be done with this by now.”  _ Yeah he would be. _

 

“Wanna take the evens?” he asked and she shrugged. “Whatever we don’t finish I can do in study hall tomorrow.” he planned out loud. Huh, she had study hall tomorrow too.

 

“Last block?” she asked and he nodded frantically. “Great, me too. I still got evens.” Ned let out a cheer and she smirked. 

 

It was so casual. Just talking about a general subject. Maybe if she just eased into it with Peter. Maybe the same thing would happen, they’d just talk and it wouldn’t make everything okay again, but it’d be a start.

 

Too bad Mr.Butrix was a total dick. He never stopped talking, and based on the not so light scolding she gave to some other students, talking in his class wouldn’t be tolerated. In his defence, she wasn’t expecting to see Peter so soon. She didn’t know what to say again, and her mouth got dry.

 

Then she heard Flash and wanted to punch his goddamn face, because A) this was her ex-friend-but-I’m-gonna-make-it-right-because-I’m-a-dick-and he-may-deserve-a-better-friend-but-I-wanna-make-it-right-and-he-deserves-an-apology-so-that’s-what-I’m-gonna-do. And B) his face was just so punchable. But then she looked at Peter, and Peter didn’t even pay attention to it, and her mouth suddenly went dry. 

 

She didn’t speak for the rest of class, and when Peter ran out, she wanted to kick herself for it. 

 

She couldn’t get past one page in her book at Lunch and when Charles had asked if everything was okay she ignored him a few times before gently tugging the book out of her hands. She just kept staring at where it used to be.

 

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Charles asked.

 

“Nothing” she replied curtly, she had a three page paper due though, she should get started on that. She pulled out her note book.

 

“Liar. You would’ve smacked me over the head for taking you book, and you didn’t even get through one page.” Charles said. He was so observant. She knew it was one of the reason why she decided to date him. Because he was observant and not stupid and made good decisions.  _ Like Peter. _ No, Peter didn’t make good decisions, he made the  _ right _ ones. There was a difference. “What’s wrong?” it took her a minute but she finally sighed and answered.

 

“I wanna make it up to Peter again.” she said, she was never good at talking about feelings. When Charles raised a brow she continued. “I was a dick to him last year and I...I just wanted to… you know apologize…” _ because he has a lot going on and I just want my friend back. _

 

Charles smiled.”You’re a nice person, even if you don’t think you are.” Charles said gently and MJ scoffed. “No seriously.” he continued “You’d be an asshole if you  _ didn’t _ want to make it up to him.” 

 

“I can’t even talk to him. ” MJ stated.  _ It’s so awkward and makes me feel weird everytime I try. _

 

“You’ll find a way.” Charles said “You always do.”

  
  



	2. Shock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o! Sorry I kinda ditched this fic for a little there. I just wanted to put a more developed relationship with Harley and Shuri and Peter. I feel like I coulda just thrown Shuri in here and it would've been good, but believe it or not: not a lot of people know who Harley Keener is??? which I'm a bit offended by because he is basically Tony's second son (DUMMY is his first and Peter is his third) So yeah.
> 
> I wanted this series to go chronologically (That obviously didn't work out) but I think it should be smooth sailing from here. But you never know those plot bunnies kinda pop into my brain sometimes and are like 'you know what you should've done...' and I'm all like 'welp lets do it'. So double yeah.
> 
> Also school starts soon and I'm going to a new school (again), but the campus is pretty lit, so triple yeah. My updating might come less, it also might come more often, because I'm a little shit who likes to pretend I'm doing homework, when I'm really writing a story so no one will bother me. I guess we'll see.
> 
> Okay, so anyways...ENJOY!

**Shock**

 

Peter went to the Library after school that day. Tutoring for the kids didn’t start until they asked, but Peter was had a feeling it’s going to start next week.

 

Decathlon Practice restarted tomorrow, and he really wanted to get this paper done by then so he wouldn’t have to worry. He was ⅓ of the way there, but it was taking longer to do it cause he kept getting lost in thought.  

 

What would he say to MJ? He had study hall with her, that much he knew. He didn’t want to talk to her when Charles was around, or at decathlon. She was the captain this year, so obviously she’d be busy coordinating it. He didn’t want to stammer out something embarrassing, he also didn’t want her to feel awkward. God, why was he so bad at social skills?

 

His phone buzzed, ripping him out of thought. He thought it might be Ned, and he picked it up to look at it.

 

_ Harley: How was school today? _

 

Peter almost wanted to reply with a _ terrible _ . But he just sighed. 

 

“That bad huh?” said a snarky voice behind him, Peter turned in mild disinterest. Yeah, he expected his self-proclaimed ‘big brother’ to be there. Harley was  _ always _ there since they had met. Peter would admit sometimes it was annoying, but he was always genuinely happy to have the older boy in his life.

 

The Mechanic sat on the table across from him. Peter spared a glance through uneven bangs and looked back down at his work.

 

“You know you’re gonna explode one day Pete. Keeping all these emotions inside.” Harley said a matter of factly, Crossing his feet on the table and Peter glared a bit down at the paper, but never really looked up.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at MIT for orientation?” Peter left out the  _ And I don’t explode, I break. _ Harley was worried about him enough as is, and If he said that Shuri would get involved too.

 

Harley shrugged “Boring, plus my classes don’t start until next week.” Harley said and leaned forward “So what’s up?” Peter shrugged “Ben giving you a hard time?” Peter immediately shook his head. He hadn’t seen his uncle in months. He’d be at home more often now that school started though, but he could honestly say he and Ben haven’t spoken. 

 

“So what’s got ya down, Parker?” Harley half complained, half whined. Peter almost smiled, it made him sound more like a child than Peter was acting right now.

 

“Social life…” Peter regretted the answer as soon as it left his mouth and he caught some of the cocky grin on Harley’s face. He shot his head up. “No, Nonono. That wasn’t an invitation to invade my life.”

 

“It sounded like one.” Harley said with a smirk. Peter groaned.

 

“It’s fine. It’s just dumb teenager stuff.” Peter tried to convince the older boy out of whatever he was planning, because A) it would probably be humiliating and B) it would most likly hurt people. 

 

“Dumb teenager stuff is normal teenager stuff. You desperately need that.” Harley tried to pretend like he was thinking about it, but Peter knew he already had a plan.

 

“No, please. I’m good with my completely abnormal life. And this isn’t a normal situation anyway.” Peter rambled, trying to find a convincing reason to make Harley stop making him feel like he was gonna explode the world. Harley probably could and would for him.

 

“Please, do share.” Harley gestured to him in a half grand fashion and Peter rolled his eyes.

 

“I just need some tips on how to...talk to girls?” that was the best explanation he had. Peter was going to regret this. Harley looked at him oddly and then started to laugh “H-Hey, not like that! Just, I was friends with her and she kinda got pissed off because I kept having to go save the city and then things escalated and ...well it’s complicated. Point is I wanna say sorry, but I don’t know how.”

 

“Just say sorry then.” Harley said simply and Peter wanted to scoff. This was too complicated for words. It was gradual, something he couldn’t quite explain. He couldn’t explain how they had argued and ignored each other, or how they even started becoming friends. Passing homework 15 minutes before classes, and texting memes to each other at 2am. He missed it and wanted it back, so bad.

 

“It’s not that simple.” Peter sighed “MJ, she’s not a normal girl. She-”

 

“Makes you feel all tingly? Butterflies in your stomach? Heart clench anytime her boyfriend is with her?” Harley said with a slight smirk.  _ Well he’s not wrong. _

 

“She’s assertive. Doesn’t take shit from anyone. And is  _ painfully _ honest with you.” Peter said more blandly. “And she’s very,  _ very _ observant. I mean, she figured out I was Spiderman all on her own.” Harley seemed mildly surprised and impressed by that one, but Peter kept on going in a more worked up fashion with each passing word. “And-and she’s just super sarcastic all the time and she’s really smart, like  _ really _ smart. She doesn’t care what other people think of her and she just does what she wants - within rules of course, she has morals I think. And she just- she’s just-just…-”

 

“Takes your breath away everytime you look in her direction.” Harley said and Peter looked at him almost like a lost puppy. “You have a crush.”

 

“She has a boyfriend.” Peter said bluntly and sighed. “And he’s  _ really _ hard to hate.” he groaned. “Plus,” he mumbled “I’m Spiderman. Being with her-”

 

“Stop no.” Harley cut off. “Not letting your illegal habits get in the way of your high school crush. You seriously need balance. God Parker.” Harley said. Peter groaned.

 

“That’s why we’re even fighting in the first place.” Peter said “Everyone who knows what I do says I need balance. I’ve lost  _ so many _ people because of it.” Peter said solemnly. “Seriously Harley. How do I fix this?”

 

Harley gave him a small smile.

 

OoOoO

 

The next day in Study Hall, Peter was freaking out. He had a total of ⅔ of his Economy paper done. Ned was sitting right next to him and MJ was across from them passing her math homework back and forth through her and Ned. He kind of wished he was still part of their group, he felt so excluded and out of place. It made him have a sinking, sick feeling in his stomach.  _ Like all your butterflies melted and became acid. _

 

He blinked. Okay, those weird voices in his head were just getting weirder, I mean what in the god forsaken realm of hell even was that comment.  _ Come on Parker. Get your shit together. _ Right.

 

But how?

 

“Ugh, we’ve done this problem like 10 times now. What are we doing wrong?” Ned groaned and MJ was scratching on the paper with a pen trying to write it out again from a  side angle so she and Ned could see it. 

 

“You’re forgetting to simplify before you factor.” Peter said absently. Off handedly, he knew the answer. It was 2517.7364. MJ grunted in response and seemingly tried it. He only knew it worked because of the cheer Ned let out. Of course it worked.

 

“Dude, how do you  _ do _ that?” Peter shrugged in response and went back to writing on his paper.

 

“I just wish I could write this paper as fast as I can answer math questions.” Peter grumbled and MJ snorted. Peter’s head shot up. They stared at each other for a long time before Ned cleared his throat. 

 

“I need to get a book for English. Be right back.” Peter didn’t miss the nudge as he was standing up to go. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ned was so obvious.

 

It was awkward for a few moments. Peter scribbling on his economics paper and MJ reading. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve mistaken it as the old times. They’d be exactly like this. 

 

“How many times have you written that line over?” MJ asked out of the blue and Peter snapped out of whatever deconcentration state he was in. He looked down to see the last sentence constantly erased and eraser shavings everywhere. God, it was embarrassing how distracted he could get. He hunched in on himself and erased the rest of the sentence.

 

“I guess I can’t get it right.” he mumbled and then sighed. He was so close to being done with this stupid homework too. 

 

“Here.” she said and snached the paper away from him. She filled in a sentence after quickly skimming it over. “You just needed a conclusion.” she handed the paper back and Peter smiled a little.

 

“Thanks MJ, you’re a lifesaver.” he smiled and she paused before smiling back.

 

Maybe this would work after all.

 

OoOoO

 

Michelle was up all night. 

 

She’d already finished economy homework. She was fast at writing, she always knew exactly what she wants to say. It made writing easier, for everything weather it be papers, reports or even speeches. She had an opinion immediately and had the resources to back her claims. Her mind was always made up. She never stuttered over speech patterns, or faltered in her words.

 

So why was she having such a hard time talking to Peter. Didn’t she have her mind made up already? She wanted to be friends with him again, but then again they never really stopped. Well they did, but it was more like a fallout. At the same time it happened so immediately. She didn’t even know how to explain it.

 

How did she start just talking with him? That obviously seemed like the best approach. But she didn’t want to be too casual. If she was too casual, Peter might shut down. She couldn’t be like decathlon either. Authority would definitely shut him down. She could always try naturally, but who knew how long it would take to get in a position or situation like that.

 

God, this was too hard. How do you apologize for being petty over something as big as what Peter was trying to hide? As big and important as what Peter was  _ doing _ . 

 

Spiderman was the whole reason they were arguing in the first place. She knows he has to do it, because like it or not Spiderman has made a difference in this city. Made it easier and safer to live in. Peter liked doing it too. 

 

But it was so annoying when he had to ditch last minute or in the middle of something. She knew it wasn’t even his fault, but couldn’t he just let it be? Just sometimes? It was dangerous, she got worried sometimes. Most of the time it was an inconvenience. 

 

She tossed in her bed one more time before growling and checking the clock. 

 

2:36am

 

She had to get sleep. Tomorrow was only the second day of school, she couldn’t afford to be sleep deprived. But she couldn’t shut her mind off. 

 

She groaned again and stuffed her face into her pillow and tried not to think about picking up her phone and checking if Peter had sent any late night memes. That kid never slept, so she could always count on him to give her company in the middle of the night.

 

She missed that.

 

OoOoO

 

He was right across from her.

 

She was sharing answers to her and Ned’s homework and he was writing the report that was due tomorrow. She was mildly impressed he wasn’t in a rush to start it, and was pleased to see that he actually  _ did _ start it yesterday.  _ Not bad, Parker. _

 

They were stuck on this one problem.

 

“Ugh, we’ve done this problem like 10 times now. What are we doing wrong?” Ned groaned and through his pencil on the table. She rolled her eyes and kept writing out the problem to try again.

 

“You’re forgetting to simplify before you factor.” she heard Peter say quietly. She looked to him. He must have glanced up real quick because he was looking down at his own paper again. MJ couldn’t help a smile quirk of her lips at that. He was always really smart, she sometimes forgot that with all the idiotic things he does.

 

“Dude, how do you  _ do _ that?” Ned said astonished, he never failed to impress his best friend and that’s probably what MJ liked the most about him. He was so chill with his smarts. He never showed it off, and he always used it to help people. Even if he was a socially awkward mess, but he still tried to help. She knew if someone else, say Flash, had that kind of brain power, they’d be showing it off. Thinking they were better than everyone - hell Flash didn’t even have the brain power and he still thought that. But not Peter.

 

_ Always helping everyone but himself. _

 

“I just wish I could write this paper as fast as I can answer math questions.” Peter grumbled and MJ couldn’t keep in a snort. Peter’s head shot up toward her and she felt like a deer on headlights. He stared straight at her and he mind went completely blank. She didn’t know how to react and that in itself felt weird to her cause she  _ always _ knew how to react.

 

They stared at each other for a long time before Ned cleared his throat. 

 

“I need to get a book for English. Be right back.” She definitely didn’t miss the suspicious nudge he gave to Peter as he was standing up to go. Huh, weird. Peter looked mildly annoyed. She was glad he wore a mask as Spiderman, he was just so obvious to read sometimes.

 

It was awkward for a few moments. Peter scribbling on his economics paper and MJ had picked up a book to read, as she had finished all her assigned homework. This felt like before this whole mess, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t make her chest feel a little weird knowing that this  _ wasn’t _ like those times. 

 

She glanced at him and noticed he was writing the same line over and over again and erasing it. His eyes were dead on the paper, but MJ could tell he was somewhere else. She sighed and shifted her book.

 

“How many times have you written that line over?” she asked blandly, casually.  _ Naturally _ . Peter snapped out of whatever dazed state he was in. He looked down and hunched in on himself as he finished erasing whatever he was writing.

 

“I guess I can’t get it right.” he mumbled and Mj sighed to herself and put her book down.

 

“Here.” she said and snached the paper away from him. She let her eyes roam over the not half bad paper- see Parker this is what you get when you try. She then filled in the sentence he was missing. “You just needed a conclusion.” she handed the paper back and Peter smiled a little.

 

“Thanks MJ, you’re a lifesaver.” his smile got bigger and MJ had to take a double take. She hadn’t seen that smile in forever. She forgot how much she missed it. Missed his laugh. His smile. Him constantly rambling about whatever, but it was bound to be geeky cause that was what he was. He was a geek and he was sweet and had the best smile in the world, because god dammit after everything he’d been through he deserves to be happy. 

 

She missed him and the late night memes he’d send at two in the morning because he was still awake. She  _ really _ missed him.

 

“Tch, Parker. That wasn’t half bad, I just finished it.” she said with a scoff and he laughed a little. It made her laugh and soon they were laughing together like old times. It felt like old times.

 

For once it felt like everything would be okay.

 

Soon study hall ended and decathlon was in the library anyway, so they just stayed where they were and packed up their books. Ned came back and soon the rest of the team started to filter in.

 

“So all you idiots gotta get ready for the meet in two weeks. Yeah I know this is the first practice, but like there is no one new so let’s just get this shit done, cause you obviously don’t need an orientation.” MJ said in her usual bored tone. No one took any offense because that was just MJ.

 

“Also, co-cap for this year will be Peter. Obviously.” MJ said and turned to the box Mr.Harrington brought  and took out some books “Yo Parker, hand those down would ya?” Peter nodded and took the books she handed to him. 

 

“ _ Finally. _ ” It came from everyone and it sounded so relieved. Peter and MJ were confused and paused in the middle of handing off the books and they looked at each other for an answer before releasing neither of them had one. They looked back at the group.

 

“You guys, had like major tension. It was literally starting to affect the team.” Abe clarified.

 

“Yeah, like we can’t have our leader and the smartest person on the team be at ends with each other.” Cindy said quickly.

 

“Y-You guys noticed?” Peter hunched into himself as MJ released the books and rolled her eyes. 

 

“You guys are so extra.” she grumbled.

 

Yep, everything was fine.

 

OoOoO

 

It was 1:47am and she heard a ding from her phone.

 

She was slightly annoyed as she rolled over and checked it. Who could be up at this ungodly hour. 

 

There was a meme of something about politics and brains. Under it there was a message. 

 

_ What’s an example of ego? _

 

It was from Peter. 

 

She smiled and texted back a meme of Tony Stark.

  
  



	3. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's been close to a week. I'm thinking weekly updates? But I'm not too sure of it. Like maybe every Monday/Tuesday? I dunno, let's see how this goes. 
> 
> Okay, some of you remember that month long vacation I took? Yeah, well turns out I was writing ANOTHER story, completely different from this or my other series. But I don't wanna post it. A) cause it's still in construction and B) because I at least wanna finish Net Force before I post that. SO yeah. Just be ready for that, if it ever comes. Again, don't get your hopes up yet.
> 
> Also, this chapter is a bit slow, but like cute and it's a great kick start for major ANGST FEST that is going to be in the next chapter. Like the skeleton is so angsty and it's only going to get angstier and oh my go I can't wait to rip your hearts out>-<
> 
> Kay, Enjoy!

**Denial**

 

The following weeks were the happiest Peter’s been in a long time.

 

Spiderman was going great, no real bad guys meant he had more time with friends and getting adjusted to school again. Decathlon killed all their meets. The Avengers were doing great. He hadn’t seen much of Ben lately. Best of all, MJ came back to their table - he and Ned were so thrilled.

 

They had movie nights and study sessions at the cafe three blocks from school. Traded homework and clothes when Flash messed his up. Sent memes and advice and rants at two in the morning. Just like they used to.

 

Everything was going smoothly for once in his life. So he really should have seen this coming.

 

_ Homecoming Dance: Friday October 19, 2018 _

 

That was in two weeks. After last year’s Homecoming there was  _ no way _ he was going to do  _ that _ ever again. He’d ruined Liz Allen’s night - the night she worked so hard on for weeks - and then proceeded to ruin her life by throwing her dad in jail. Yeah, Peter has never had the best luck with getting the girl in the end. He was more of a get-the-girl-then-ditch-her-to-fight-her-evil-dad-on-the-outside-of-an-invisible-jet-and-get-PTSD-instead kind of hero. 

 

“So who are you gonna ditch at Homecoming this year dork?” MJ had asked him teasingly at lunch. Peter ducked down and blushed poking at his stale fries. “Is it gonna be Tammy Stein or maybe Carol Ludwig?” she said with a smirk, picking the two most popular senior girls this year.

 

“Yeah, I’m not doing that again.” Peter said stabbing his fork into the solid fry. “I don’t wanna go to another supervillains house. And awkwardly stand in their kitchen while they ask if I want a scotch.” he mumbled before putting the fry in his mouth. MJ snorted and Peter couldn’t help but smile.

 

“But you’re not chasing anyone down right now.” MJ said a little too seriously for comfort. Peter sighed at the lack of action in his alter-ego’s life, he probably should be taking it as a blessing, but if he were honest, he didn’t know what to do with his extra time he had now.

 

“Not currently.” he said casually “Why?” he looked at her with a quirked brow. 

 

“Nothing.” MJ shrugged “Just wanna know when I have you skipping.” MJ said and Peter made an indigent sound but he knew the meaning behind it-  _ keep me in the loop _ . “You’re doing well this year. You haven’t missed a practice yet.” she said before he could defend himself, with probably the same exact argument. He seemed to soften his tense almost glare and she smiled. 

 

“Knock on wood.” he said and dorkily smiled and immediately wanted to sink into the depths of the earth. He was such a loser. She scoffed but said nothing in return. 

 

It was Decathlon that things started to get a little strange. Peter and MJ were going through the curriculum they were gonna review that day at the beginning of practice. They were just finishing up and waiting for everybody to file in while MJ reviewed the last of the material and Ned was bouncing beside him.

 

“Dude, dude. I’m gonna ask Betty Brant to the dance this year.” Ned said excitedly and Peter couldn’t help but roll his eyes affectionately. He also couldn’t stop the anxiety curl in his stomach. What if he needed Ned that night like he did last year? He didn’t want to take his best friend away from a night he deserved to be enjoying. “Who are you gonna ask?” Ned whipped his head so fast Peter was worried he’d get whiplash. 

 

“Decathlon is in a week man. I’m gonna focus on that.” Peter said easily avoiding the question. He wasn’t sure who he wanted to ask or even if he wanted to ask anyone. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to go at all. 

 

“Please tell me you’re not planning on ditching this year.” Peter sighed. 

 

“Ned, I’ve got no one to go with. Plus I don’t want-” he cut himself off and rephrased “I’m already gonna be out for DC this year, I should be working on that night anyway.” Peter remedied. He wasn’t going to say which one of his jobs he was working, cause he technically had 3 right now. 4 if you count babysitting and tutoring in their own category. 

 

Ned furrowed his brows but said no more. They started practice.

 

OoOoO

 

Getting on the bus and doing questions with MJ was easy. Calling on people, specifically Flash and then seeing him get it wrong was probably what MJ and Peter were having the most fun doing.

 

Getting a call from Happy again was deja vu and memories that weren’t necessarily bad but not good either. He had to look at his phone for two buzzes just thinking what he could’ve done wrong.

 

“Can I take this?” MJ gave a quick glare to him but she nodded curtly before calling Flash out again.

 

“You better not be chasing another mechanical animal, or so help me I will-” Happy said through what sounded like gritted teeth.

 

“It’s the academic decathlon, Happy. I’m fine.” Peter cut him off and heard the older man scoff on the other end.

 

“That’s what you said last time.” he pointed out.

 

“I also said that tracking was an invasion to my privacy.” Peter wanted to glare at the phone, but he knew Happy couldn’t see him. 

 

“Then don’t take your suit out of state. It sends me automatic updates until I call you. It’s annoying.” He sometimes hated how through Mr.Stark was. 

 

“You know what? I’m tempted to take it out again.” Peter had only left it in as a courtesy. If he needed to be underground he’d just turn off the signal, but if Happy was gonna motherhen him over leaving New York again maybe he would take it out.

 

“Don’t do that. Tony will have a fit if you mess with his stuff.” Happy said in a tired tone “Again.”

 

“He shouldn’t be worried about where I go anyways.” Peter grumbled.

 

“He’s not the only one.” this was the first time Peter’s enhanced senses picked up light shuffling in the background. He wanted to groan. 

 

“Take me off of speakerphone.  _ Now _ .” Peter pressed his hand into his eyes. 

 

“Just promise me you’re not chasing after some crazy supervillain trying to sell highly dangerous weapons, take over the entire world, or can blow things up.” Happy said and Peter let out a playful smirk that Happy couldn’t see. 

 

“I’m always chasing some crazy supervillain trying to sell highly dangerous weapons, take over the entire world, or can blow things up.  _ Especially _ the last one. They seem to like blowing things up-” He saw MJ wrap it up and was coming to the back to sit on the seat across from Ned. She was looking at him expectantly.

 

“Kid.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah no. I’m fine Happy. The suit is just a precaution. I gotta get going.” He hung up before Happy could answer back. He walked up and sat next to her. 

 

“You said you weren’t chasing after anyone.” she glared and Peter held up his hands plactingly. 

 

“I’m not.” he reassured. “I just…” he looked over to his backpack next to Ned.

 

“Paranoid?” MJ asked in a dull fashion “What could possibly happen?” she asked almost mockingly.

 

“Oh my god. Now something bad’s gonna happen.” he said dragging a hand across his face.

 

“How so?” she asked amused and he looked at her in a mock appalled way.

 

“I’d figure you’d be more educated than this having spent several movie nights with me and Ned. Every Time anyone says that nothing is gonna happen it always happens. It’s how logic works.” that got him more of a giggle than a snort from her and he smiled a bit and sighed leaning back in his chair and slumping down. “If I have to jump out in the middle of the meet cause a guy decided it’d be a good idea to blow up the Lincoln Memorial, it’s on you.”

 

“Whatever loser.” she smacked his arm. 

 

Their bus eventually arrived and the team filed out and got their room keys and buddies and headed up. Dinner would be in two hours, so Peter had enough time to whip out his laptop and suit. 

 

“Are we catching another bad guy?” Ned asked anxiously and excitedly, taking the laptop Peter gave to him while Peter plugged in some circuits. “Please don’t tell me your gonna ditch this year.”

 

“Nope.” he popped the p “This is pay back to Happy for being an overprotective mother hen.” he grumbled and Ned smiled as he happily tapped away on the computer. He still took worried glances at Peter like Peter would jump up and say ‘yeah, so I’m gonna go catch a killer with 117 hundred kills, bye.’ Peter almost wanted to scoff.

 

Did  _ everyone _ think that he was going to ditch for his alter-ego? He wouldn’t put it passed them, but at the same time he kind of expected more faith in him. He just was having a hard time figuring out his priorities last year. He was a second year hero now, and it may have felt like longer, but he knew what he was doing. He could manage his time better.

 

“I can’t let MJ down this year man.” Peter mumbled taking  some tweezers to the wiring. Mr.Stark had made it more complex - which probably would’ve been an annoyance to him if he  _ was _ trying to chase down a supervillian but he wasn’t  _ thankyouverymuch _ . In a way it made him happy, Mr.Stark thought he was too smart to not hack into the other wiring system. He’d figure this one out just by trial and error. 

 

“You know she has a boyfriend right?” Ned said offhandedly and Peter cringed involuntarily at that. He didn’t know why his mind didn’t want to process that fact all the way through. Ned looked over from his computer and quirked a brow. “Right?” he said in a scolding but more worried manner.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. What has that got to do with anything?” he said just barely managing a cool, nonchalant manner. 

 

“Well you two are getting closer. You’re arguing with each other over books, and sharing homework in class. Oh and she lent you cloths when Flash spilt his milk all over you. You even go out sometimes with her without me and you were..sitting on..the ...bus..togeth-” Ned was wide eyed and gasped “You  _ like _ her?!” he nearly yelled and Peter had to shush him to keep him quiet.

 

“Wha- where would you- where would you get that idea?” Peter stuttered with a blush. “We’re just friends. I go to places with you all the time without her.”

 

“You text her.” Ned said frantically.

 

“Friends text, Ned.” Peter said in a deadpan.

 

“Not at 2am.”  Ned said in a rush, not getting why Peter wasn’t freaking out as much as he was.

 

“I’m awake a 2 and so is she. You know I’m not good at sleeping and sitting in the dark can get lonely.” He said in a joking way going back to  the suit. Dismissing all of Ned’s claims. 

 

Ned let out a huff of frustration. He’s have to take his socially awkward friend the long way around. As he had to do most things with this kind of stuff.

 

“Do you like the books she reads?” Ned asked and Peter hummed, humoring his friend.

 

“Yeah, I guess. I mean she has really good taste in books.” It was true. He asked her for book suggestions directly now, but when they weren’t speaking he used to just sneak a glance at her books and then it was hit or miss if she was reading a good one. SHe usually was though.

 

“Do you like her jokes?”

 

“Well their mostly making fun of me. But they are mostly true... _ mostly _ .” To anyone else, actually, it would seem like bullying with how much she teased him. But usually it was about a joke they texted to each other. It was ‘you had to have context’ kind of thing most of the time.

 

“Do you like to make her smile?”

 

“Well, yeah. She’s my friend, why wouldn’t I want her to be happy?” Peter smiled at Ned as the older boy groaned. His friend was just not getting it.

 

“Do you worry about her?” he asked and Peter paused.

 

“What do you-”

 

“When you’re out there. Do you worry about her? That what you do will put her in danger?”

 

“Of course I do Ned. I worry about you too-” Peter furrowed his brows. That was obvious, he worried about everyone he put in harm's way. 

 

“No, I mean what do you think about when you’re getting beat up by a villian? Like what inspires you to win?” Peter blushed at that

 

“I dunno. I just…” Peter blushed more “This isn’t a comic book Ned. No one gets burst of inspiration and half an episode to tell the whole backstory behind it. It’s just a... survival instinct...I dunno. What is this even about?” Peter said glaring at his friend in a frustrating manner. That  question really threw him off his game, and now he’d be thinking about it deep into the night and  _ dammit  _ he had to do a meet tomorrow.

 

“That can’t be it.” Ned said looking slightly disappointed.

 

“No seriously. It’s not a comic book. I don’t have a tragic backstory”  _ Lie _ “I don’t have a team.”  _ You turned them down. _ “And I don’t get the girl in the end, because there is no girl to get.”  _ You wish it was MJ though. _

 

Peter stopped for a second.  _ What _ had his inner voices/demons/things in his head just said?  _ MJ _ ? She had a boyfriend, that could make her happy and sweep her off her feet. Why would he think that?

 

“Do you feel jealous while she’s with Charles?” _ yes _ . He looked down at his work. “When she has to ditch you for their relationship?”  _ Yes. _

 

“She doesn’t ditch me.” he mumbled begrudgingly and missed Ned’s triumphant look.

 

“Ha! You are jealous.” he said pointing to Peter. 

 

“It’s her boyfriend.” he grit out stubbornly. Why was that so hard to admit? “Plus, she doesn’t need him to be great.” he paused. Where had that come from? Ned’s silence was overbearing and he snapped his head to his astonished friend.

 

“Peter… are you…” Ned put the laptop down and shifted his feet to hang off the bed. “Are you being...possessive?” Peter immediately denied it.

 

“What? I just said they were together.” he nearly snapped, but didn’t cause Ned didn’t deserve that.

 

“Are you...you know,  _ okay _ with them being together?” Ned asked carefully “Like are you comfortable with it?” Peter was done with this conversation. 

 

“Yes. It’s her life.” he got up. He needed to leave.

 

“Peter-”

 

“I gotta ask Abe for a tiny screwdriver.” and he left the room.

 

OoOoO

 

She noticed it during dinner. How tense Peter was.

 

She didn’t know why, but as soon as he walking into the restaurant they agreed to over the group chat, she immediately noticed him. He sat down next to her tensely and she noticed how... _ awkward _ he was next to her. He also noticed Ned sitting a bit away from him chatting with Abe. He was tense too, just less so. 

 

It made her wonder if he’d lied about not chasing after a supervillain, but dismissed the idea. There was no reason for him to lie to her - well that wasn’t true, being a superhero he probably had  _ a lot _ that he couldn’t tell her. Because she was just a civilian and knowing and doing certain things, especially linking herself to Spiderman could get her in trouble. Not the stereotypical teenager kind, no the actual  _ life or death _ kind. The kind Peter found himself get into almost everyday. How he swung on things that thin with not safety net but the cold,dirty concrete to catch his fall, was beyond her.

 

But she’d tell her if he had to go. It would be better than ditching the team and he wasn’t a total douche to  _ not _ tell her, especially when she  _ knows _ . 

 

“Parker,” she nudged him snapping him out of whatever fantasy he was in. “You good?” she asked and he nodded quickly

 

“Always.” he said quickly,  snapping his head toward the menu. She did too. 

 

“Wanna split something? These prices are a mile high, I don’t even think Tony Stark can afford to spend much here .” The prices were actually only slightly higher than what they’d normally be, and this was one of the fancier restaurant the team had chosen. She’d only said it to lighten the tension. It worked somewhat, as Peter gave a hoarse and terse laugh. 

 

“You know I probably could eat double the entire team, right?” Peter said with a smile.  _ You threw up half a burger. _

 

“Yeah, and are your pockets as deep as you stomach?” Peter ducked in on himself. Glad he didn’t actually have to back his claim, cause honestly that voice/demon/thing in his head was right. He probably wouldn’t be able to stomach as much as he was supposed to be able to.

 

They ended up splitting a large pasta, Peter ate about 60 percent of it, even if MJ ate slower to gauge how hungry Peter was. Turns out, not that much cause by 55% he was slowly picking at the edges of his food. MJ had to speed up her eating a bit so Peter didn’t catch on to what she was doing.

 

“You sure you good, Parker?” she wasn’t used to being the one that talked a lot during any conversation they had, usually it would be Peter or Ned, who would be rambling off. But now he was in his own world, and he only got like that when there was something bothering him. She nudged him a little.

 

“Wha-? Yeah.” he said snapping his head toward her. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” she stared at him for a bit and he fidgeted. Eventually she just shrugged and he mumbled “I feel like you do that because you  _ know _ it makes me uncomfortable.” She smirked.

 

“Yup.” she found herself saying.

 

Dinner wrapped up and everyone went back to their hotel and into their rooms. MJ shared one with Liz last year, but this year she shared it with Cindy Moon. Cindy was a good friend, and a smart student. She cared about her grades, especially her math grade too much, but other then that she was great to have at the decathlon meets. She was quiet most of the time, so it came as a surprise to MJ hours after they had gotten back that she spoke at one in the morning. 

 

“I thought you were dating Charles?” MJ had been reading and looked over her book to quirk a brow at Cindy who was on her stomach with her decathlon book open. Cindy looked at her questioningly. 

 

“I am.” she said curtly.

 

“Then why are you hanging out with Peter so much?” MJ looked at her with a deadpanned but still questioning look. 

 

“I’m trying to break the gender segregation mold.” she said going back to her book.

 

“I don’t mean you can’t be friends, but like you’re friends with Ned and you treat him way differently than you treat Peter.” Cindy pointed out.

 

“Their different people.” MJ replied bordly flipping her page.

 

“You also treat Charles in a similar manner to Ned.” Cindy said.

 

“Yes, cause we’re not all the way there yet.” MJ rolled her eyes. She just wanted to take it slow with Charles, and he seemed to too. They were only in high school after all. No need to rush they had plenty of time. 

 

“But you treat him like Peter too.” the made MJ stop reading for a minute and she looked at Cindy, who was still looking at her with questioning eyes.

 

“Since when did you become so observant?” she asked narrowing her own eyes. Cindy shrugged it off.

 

“I’m just saying. You and Peter bounced back so quick after a fight that big…” Cindy said looking to the side for the first time in the whole conversation. MJ bored her gaze on the girl more.

 

“And?”

 

“And, you just- well… I dunno, I was confused cause you’re treating Peter more like a...you know, closer friends I guess. Like you...are with him more often than not now and...well...I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess I’m just confused.” Cindy sighed, MJ let her rant on, cause if there was anything she learned from Peter is that let them finish to the end.  _ Patience _ . “You guys are my friends and teammates. I wanna know what’s up you know? I mean I get personal business and stuff, but like it’s confusing me so much sometimes.” she deflated and MJ knew she was done. Cindy was like a sparkler, she burnt out too fast. MJ quirked a smile. She also called her a friend.

 

“Yeah, well. Nothing is going on with me and Parker don’t worry about it.” MJ said and just as she was about to go to her book, she got a message on her phone. 

 

It was a meme about having a million thoughts on the nights you need the most sleep and an alien on a treadmill. She quirked her lips into a smile.

 

“Who’s that?” Cindy asked, not making any move toward her. Just looking back down at her book. 

 

“Peter.” MJ found no harm in telling. She was responding back to  _ get some sleep loser god dammit. _ She knew it probably wouldn’t encourage him to get to bed because Peter Parker and sleep were practically opposites. Scratch that, Peter Parker and self care were complete and total opposite. She didn’t notice Cindy look back up at her giving her a weird look.

 

“I didn’t know he was up this late.” Cindy said and MJ shrugged.

 

“You know Peter, studying til’ 2 in the morning. That loser.” It wasn’t true, he was probably going out as a certain red and blue vigilante at 2 in the morning, but Cindy didn’t need to know that.

 

“Does he do that often?” Cindy asked. Her questions seemed harmless enough for MJ to answer blindly.

 

“Well yeah, how do you  think he got so smart?” Well besides his ridiculously high IQ and his insane problem solving skills.

 

“No, I mean. Do you guys text often at 2 in the morning?” MJ stopped typing her reply and looked at Cindy who had a worried and curious look on her face.

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, homework help and sometimes other help and sometimes just talking.” MJ said looking at her.

 

“But you do that with-”

 

“A nocturnal friend.” MJ said quickly, not liking the implication she was just  _ now _ getting from Cindy’s questions. “Peter doesn’t know what a watch is, much less the time of day. He probably thinks that it’s only 10 and hasn’t check the time.” She knew it was only half true, cause while Peter Parker had horrible time management, he never forgot what time it was.

 

“Why do you sound a little disappointed at that?” Cindy asked.

 

“I’m not.” she wanted to remind her that she was dating Charles, but that would just sound like she was freaking out over liking Peter and being with Charles.

 

She didn’t even like Peter like that. They were friends. Friends that text each other at two in the morning. Friends that hung out and went to movies together. Friends that spent hours at a time with one another cause they just liked being around each other  _ as friends _ . They were  **_friends_ ** **.**

 

“We’re just talking about decathlon stuff. Don’t worry.” And that’s how their conversation ended.

  
  



	4. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever, but I have a chapter. It's shorter, but I'm sure you all will like it. I like it and how it turned out. SOOOOOOO
> 
> Enjoy!

**Anger**

 

They won of course. And obviously skipped the annual monument trip, instead going out for smoothies on Mr.Harrison.

 

“That was so much easier than last year.” Abe said excitedly. 

 

“I wonder why.” MJ smirked looking at Peter who hid behind his smoothie cup a little, light red dusting his face. MJ didn’t stop her smug decent and laughed. 

 

But it was odd, shouldn’t Peter be done with his smoothie first, what with his metabolism? Almost everyone was done and throwing their cups away. She just had ice in her cup, but Peter was still sipping on his strawberry lemonade mix. Huh, weird.

 

“I didn’t- didn’t do that much…” Peter mumbled for no one but her to hear. That was far from true, he got mostly all the chemistry and physics and all of the mechanics portion of the competition. She obviously got most, if not all, of the politics, history and language sections. But the last one to answer final death was Peter this year. He did a lot.

 

“Hey,” she nudged him slurping on her almost watered down ice. He looked at her with so much hope in those puppy dog eyes she had to resist rolling her eyes. “You’re allowed to be proud of yourself. You did good.” she smiled slightly and Peter looked shocked before smiling a soft smile that she loved.

 

“Thanks, MJ.” he said sincerely and poke his straw into his mouth. MJ took a look and it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen, Peter with a straw in his mouth and his wide, puppy dog eyes reflecting the blue lights of DC. “This place is quieter than New York.” he pointed out after a while, and she snapped out of her staring and looked around quickly to avoid looking at Peter. 

 

“Guess the president has got to sleep at some point.” Peter laughed. 

 

“Yeah, we’re from New York City, we don’t need sleep.” he giggled and MJ couldn’t help but laugh along with him, but she had no idea why. That statement wasn’t even funny.

 

“Speaking of no sleep…” MJ said and fidgeted slightly as Peter looked to her, with a cocked head in confusion. “How’ve you been holding up?” she said not rushed but borderline hurried.  Peter looked away for a second, biting his lip. She leaned forward to see him, but his eyes were a bit obscured by his bangs.

 

“Fine.” he said simply. She gave an unimpressed look.

 

“Bullshit.” she said bluntly and Peter ducked his head with a blush.

 

“Better? I mean I was so worried about...us….I wanted to be friends with you again…” he looked a little lost in thought. She looked at him a little closer, into those usually innocent clear eyes, now cloudy with an emotion she couldn’t quite decipher. “I was so worried… I hated that I made you upset...and I…” he cleared his throat, that indecipherable emotion gone and covered by an embarrassed blush. “ I...uhm...missed you…” he mumbled and she felt a light blush cover her cheeks. “I mean- like - like hanging out-hanging out with yo...as fr-friends and I-” she punched him in the arm to stop him. 

 

“I missed you too, loser.” they smiled at each other.

 

OoOoO 

 

It was the night they got back home from DC, at 1:43am. 

 

_ Peter: Did we have econ hw? _

 

She rolled her eyes. 

 

_ MJ: Buntrix _

 

_ Peter: tru, what was the essay abt? _

 

_ MJ: its due tomorrow. don’t fall behind. _

 

_ Peter: I know that’s why im doing it now, what was it on????? _

 

_ MJ:Stats _

 

_ Peter: thx :) _

 

_ MJ: what should we do tomorrow for decath??? _

 

She then got a meme of loss as her reward. It was terrible.

 

She couldn’t help but smile.

 

OoOoO

 

“Okay losers, we won.” MJ said to start off their meeting the next day. She heard Peter’s cute snort/giggle. She didn’t think he had it in him to ever be 100% sarcastic, but that was just Peter. “On to the next drills.” she said and the entire team except Peter groaned. He just laughed quietly. She smiled a bit  to herself.

 

“Well I asked that genius right there what to do…” she blamed with a shrug and Peter stopped laughing as he looked at her and made an indigent sound when everyone lightly glared at him.

 

“N-No. I just sent a loss meme.” he grumbled and crossed his arms like a child. She snorted in response. 

 

“Exactly.” MJ said and Peter let out a bit of a frustrated sound.

 

“That’s not even fair you sent an Obama meme back.” he countered and she had an evil smirk.

 

“Are you debating with me Parker?” she asked amused and mischievous smile on her face. Peter blushed and ducked his head as he slumped in his seat.

 

“N-No...I-” he looked over to the rest of the team who were just staring at them and she looked too.

 

“What?” they said at the same time. It took a while for Cindy to answer.

 

“You guys were sending memes to each other?” Cindy asked with a confused and worried look.

 

“When did you even have time to?” Abe asked.

 

“Well in our defense it was at 2 in the morning.” MJ said blandly.

 

“I-I just needed-needed her to-to tell me the Econ Homework. She asked for a lesson plan. I don’t think we actually have any-any for you guys.” Peter smiled helplessly and MJ rolled her eyes. Of course they wouldn’t have a lesson plan, they just won the  _ National Decathlon. _ Even she knew they needed a break.

 

“Ask for help?” Ned asked a bit more worried than Cindy look crossed his face and Peter just rolled his eyes playfully. 

 

“Isn’t that what friends do?”  Peter shot back with a smile. She didn’t know why she felt a twinge when he said that. She felt the same way too right? His smile got a tad more strained.

 

“You couldnt’ve asked anyone else?” Charles said, a small amount of malice in his eyes. Peter’s back straightened.

 

“She is in my Econ class… and I knew she’d be awake…” Peter said a bit submissively. 

 

“I’m in your class too.” Flash said with a smirk. Everyone looked unimpressed.

 

“You would’ve laughed and not’ve helped.” Ned pointed out to him and Flash made an indigent squak.

 

“Listen Parker,” Charles said narrowing his eyes at him. “You might be a procrastinator who doesn’t sleep. But don’t let your laziness affect others health.” Peter ducked his head, and MJ looked at Charles.

 

“It’s fine, stop grilling him god. We do this all the time, not that it’s any of your business.” MJ said and looked straight at Charles. “And don’t say he’s lazy, cause he works his ass off to help me with these lesson plans.”

 

“Why are you defending him MJ? Have a little crush?” Flash  egged on, it made Charles bristle and Peter silently wince and flinch.

 

“No, I just hate to see you guys accuse someone, your own teammate and co-captain nonetheless, of something when they aren’t responsible. Or at least not entirely. It’s none of any of your businesses anyway so just but out.” she said bluntly.

 

“Aww, forbidden love. MJ you have a crush on another guy and you have a boyfriend. How scandalous.” Charles bristled even more, and looked like he was either gonna punch Flash or Peter. Maybe both. 

 

So she stood up. She just  _ had  _ to. She didn’t like Peter like that. Peter was her friend. One of her  _ best friends _ . And she had a boyfriend. A good, reliable boyfriend that would never ditch her for anything. 

 

Before she even knew what she was doing, she was kissing Charles in the middle of Decathlon, with everyone, including Peter, watching  with wide eyes. 

 

_ God she hated Flash. _

 

It was embarrassing and not at all a move she’d be expected to make. Even Charles was surprised, hell  _ she _ was surprised. But that proved it.

 

It proved she loved Charles. It proved Peter was a friend, and  _ just _ a friend. That their Midnight texted was totally platonic. That the fact that he probably had 3 of her shirts and one of her sweatshirts in his closet was just being friends.  _ Good  _ friends.

 

She looked at Peter, he was in just as much awe as everyone else. Except he had that kicked puppy look on his face. The one she hated seeing.

 

But  _ why? _

 

OoOoO

 

One minute, he was on cloud 9. MJ was defending him, sticking up for him, like she used to do. It felt like old times again and he felt great, despite the initial guilt of taking away her sleeping time. Was he really so inconsiderate as to ignore her health entirely?

 

The next she was being taunted and he really wanted to say something back, but she was already up and her lips were on Charles’ and it felt like everything shattered around him.  _ What? _

 

It really all was Flash’s fault. He taunted her into a step she wasn’t prepared to take, because as soon as she pulled away she looked at him lost. He couldn’t stand to see her so confused. MJ was a pillar made out of vibranium, nothing could break her. She had an answer for everything, so seeing her so distraught and lost was too much. 

 

He felt something inside him shatter and it  _ hurt _ . Like he was getting stabbed in the chest but a lot worse and a lot more pin point accurate. He’d been shot, stabbed, cut, bruised and broken, but never like this. He’d rather have a stomach ache that was threatening to consume him than this pain. It made it hard to breathe.

 

But he breathed and the rest of the meeting was like walking through molasses. Long and slow and painful every tense minute sitting across from MJ and a generally shocked team as they quietly went through the questions like they would every day.

 

He was the first one out of there, as he hurriedly packed his stuff, and said a curt goodbye. He had to fix this aching in his chest and focus on breathing. Everything was becoming too much, but just as it was about to overload his senses, someone grabbed his wrist and it all came rushing back into real time. No more molasses time. 

 

“Dude,” Ned breathed as he huffed and puffed as if he was running a mile. Peter took a look at his surroundings, he was on the sidewalk on 25th street… 7 blocks from school. 

 

“Ned...what-”

 

“You okay?” Ned cut him off in a hurried manner. Looking worried and all over for any sign of injury. Peter’s chest constricted. Everything fell on top of him. MJ. The Avengers. School. Sleep. Health. Spider-Man. Ben. Ned was right, he couldn’t do this alone, it was too much. “You bolted, and I tried calling you, but you kept running and- hey, dude why are you crying? Peter are you okay?”

 

“Ben’s abusing me.” he said quietly and started to cry more, Ned’s eyes widened and he lead Peter to a bench. 

 

“W-What?” the other boy breathed

 

“I- worked hard- and he-just you know- I - he made me pay rent and-won’t help and-and he-he started to drink heav-heavily and calling me -na-names and I just- it started to- get too much and I...I don’t know what to do...It  _ hurts _ .” He clutched his chest and Ned, being the angel and god he was, understood him.

 

“Peter that  _ terrible _ . How long has this been going on?” Ned asked in a worried manner rubbing circles into his back soothingly.

 

“Since May died.” Two and a half years. Ned’s eyes widened. 

 

“ _ Peter- _ ”

 

“I know.” Peter huffed and laughed a sad laugh “I know. I should’ve told someone. Asked someone for help. I just...don’t want to..I don’t wanna  _ lose him too _ . Ned I can’t- I can’t-” Peter started to cry again and tears constricted his throat. Ned hugged him and brought him in close. 

 

“I’m  _ so sorry _ I didn’t notice. I’m supposed to be your best friend and I didn’t even know about this.” Ned said sounding close to tears too.

 

“He said that he didn’t even want me.” Peter said quietly. “That he and May thought I was a burden.” 

 

“Peter you aren’t a burden. I love hanging out with you. I want you to live. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Ned said and he felt it against his chest. “God you’ve gotten so skinny.” he heard him mumble and he laughed a little and pulled back and looked at Ned with red eyes and Ned stared back. “Thank you for telling me, I know it’s been hard. I’ll help as best I can.”

 

“Thank you Ned. I can handle most of it. He’s been ignoring me lately, that’s good.” Peter said and he saw Ned bristle a bit. “I also have something else I wanna tell you about...this is more Spider-Man related, but… I want you to know.” Peter took a deep breath. Ned leaned forward.

 

“It’s about my parents.”

  
  



	5. Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie. Next chapter. Has some angst and character study and Ned is literally the best bro. Like the greatest guys. I know I left you all off on a cliffy last time, and this chapter does answer some questions you probably didn't even know you had. And...can we please give Ned the best person to grace this entire earth of the century, cause he really is.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Depression**

 

“Peter!” Peter stiffened as his name was called out and peaked over the side of his locker side to see MJ walking toward him. He turned in his locker quickly to have some semblance if hiding, but she was already there. “You ran out pretty quick yesterday.” She pointed out casually leaning against the closed lockers and crossing her arms.

 

“Spider-Man stuff.” He answered shortly. Which wasn’t completely not true since he was talking to Ned about Spider-Man at the end of their little chat. But yeah, it was mostly a lie, since he didn’t go out on patrol yesterday.

 

“You didn’t text me last night.” She said and Peter closed his locker and sighed. 

 

“I was busy...” he said, not telling her that he had seen her text, but hadn’t replied. 

 

“Yeah, got that.” She said curtly “we were doing so well Peter.” She whispered enough for him to hear. Peter immediately felt guilt rise.

 

“We still are. I’m allowed to get busy.” Peter said and then looked at her “or am I not allowed to anymore?” He asked in a bland tone. It was meant to be teasing, it didn’t come out that way.

 

“What’s with you today?” MJ got defensive with a furrowed brow and Peter ducked a little.

 

“Nothing.” He glared at her, or at least tried. It looked more like a sad puppy look MJ always said he had. 

 

“Don’t tell me the stuff Flash Said is getting to your head.” MJ said a little shocked but mostly blandly“cause so help me-“

 

“It's not Flash. I just...didn’t get much sleep last night.” Peter said and started walking to his first class.

 

“When do you ever?” MJ said blandly and followed him and got in front of him and crossed her arms. “What’s wrong?” Cause so help her she was going to find out and get this poor boy help. preferably she would help him too, but as long as he got help and hopefully felt comfortable to whomever he got said help from, she would be fine. Cause god dammit she knew when someone needs emotional help and Parker  _ needed _ it. She wouldn’t let him bottle up anymore or hide anything else. It wasn’t good for him.

 

“Nothing.” Peter said quietly, trying to side step her, she just moved.

 

“No way, we’re friends and something is bothering you. I wanna know what it is. You, Peter Parker, have a very bad habit of hiding things and letting stress and emotions build.” MJ said and Peter sighed.

 

“If I tell you I’ll get help will you leave me alone?” He asked with a tired smile and she paused in her assault, looking at him before nodding a little. “I’m handling it. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” He said so quietly she almost didn’t hear him. 

 

“Okay.” MJ said and stepped out of his way. “When you’re ready. I’ll be here.” He nodded gratefully. 

 

“Thank you.” he gave one of his small, soft smiles.

 

OoOoO

 

At lunch they sat at their usual table, MJ, Ned and him. Peter was tapping on his Lit worksheet, not being able to comprehend it all the way. It was about politics, he hated politics. Sometimes he thought it was more brutal than war, learning about it certainly was. He thought this was a Lang concept anyway, why were they learning about it in Lit?

 

“MJ, can you tell me what it means when Mr.Stark and Captain America could’ve settled the Accords differently? I thought they already had figured out the problem.” MJ sighed.

 

“Old assignment. You actually think Mr.Harrington comes up with new stuff every year?” Which was true. Their English teacher may be chill but he was also exceptionally lazy. Peter groaned.

 

“But-“

 

“MJ!” Peter was cut off and leaned over to see Charles calling out to her and waving as he walked over and stood behind her. She turned so half her body was facing him. “Come sit with us?” He asked nicely. She was about to get up but then Peter stopped her.

 

“Wait!” He said and MJ froze in picking up her books and looked at him with a quirked brow. He didn’t even know why he stopped her. “You didn’t..answer my question.” He said and hoped it sounded teasing instead of tense and desperate. MJ rolled her eyes and was about to answer, but Charles beat her to the punch.

 

“Why can’t you just ask her tonight? You know text her?” Charles narrowed his eyes on him and instead of getting flustered he got defensive.

 

“But She was helping me, can’t she at least let her answer my question?” Peter asked and Charles narrowing turned into a glare, Peter furrowed his brows.

 

“You know what? Fine, stay here if you want.” Charles turned around and Peter felt a pang of guilt. 

 

“No,wait.” He said letting his guilt get the better of him, and he knows he shouldn’t, he knows he should just let Charles walk away and let MJ decide whether or not to follow him. “Let her just answer the question and she can go if she wants.” He said deflated. Charles, to his surprise, whirled around in a fit of anger. 

 

MJ would’ve said something about her making her own decisions, because god dammit she could. But she’d never seen Peter like... _ this _ before. It was different and totally out of character. Usually he’d let her make her own decision, not be desperate to try to make her stay. Peter respected her choices and in turn she respected his. Mutual friendships had this and theirs were no different. So Peter being clingy, which made a whole lot of sense in literally  _ any other _ situation, was weird.

 

“You know what Parker? You try this nice guy act and its so  _ fake _ at this point. Why do you gotta go for the taken ones? Worse yet, you had your chance and blew it. You could probably have any other girl out there, but you know what? I’d feel sorry for them, because you ditch things that are important and only think about yourself.” Charles stomped away and Peter sat down in a daze. What?

 

MJ looked between the two not sure where she stood in this. She turned to Peter and sat back down.

 

“Go.” He whispered hoarsely, his expression unreadable. 

 

“Peter are you okay?” MJ asked and he looked up.

 

“Go.” He said with a strained smile and quiet voice. “I’ll just figure it out myself. It’s fine.” There was something in his voice that indicated he wanted her to go. She stared at him and nodded absently, hiding the mask of worry with curiousness. 

 

She left.

 

OoOoO

 

Peter and Ned sat in Mechanics quietly talking over saws and power drills. Ned spun around in a chair, and Peter was tinkering with his web shooters. 

 

“So...can I ask...about your parents.” Ned said quietly, it wasn’t like anyone was listening in anyway. Peter still appreciated the thought and the caution. 

 

“Yeah, what d’ya wanna know?” Peter said trying to act casual about it, but he was eyeing his web shooters too much. They didn’t need this much amount of time put into them, but here Peter was, putting time into them.

 

“If you don’t wanna answer any questions, then just say so. But I’m a little confused…” Ned paused to think about how he was going to phrase the next part of his sentence. “Like they planned to make you a soldier? Like Captain America?” Which would’ve been cool, if you know, Peter didn’t beg them  _ not _ to. Peter kept intently screw a screw in and pointly not looking at Ned.

 

“Yeah, uhm. Well they were putting me through tests, I don’t really remember them, just you the general gist of it. I didn’t know what they were doing then, but apparently they were trying to make a soldier with spider based abilities. Climb up walls, Super strength, enhanced healing, precognition, you know all the good stuff.” Peter said with a shrug “But they stopped and will...they realized I wasn’t going to...work.” Peter said slowly. And tried to act unaffected by shrugging.

 

“So they dumped a half baked super soldier kid at their aunt and uncle and…”

 

“Died. They’re dead Ned.” Peter confirmed with a nod. “And I was never meant to be a soldier, just a...test...to see if it would’ve worked or not.” Peter mumbled under his breath and heard Ned inhale sharply.

 

“So when you got bitten...the radioactivity triggered your powers.” Peter nodded and Ned had a wide eyed look. “Woah,” he said breathlessly “That’s messed up.” Peter nodded in agreement.

 

“Yeah, man.” he said quieter then Ned had.

 

“How did you find out?” Ned asked and Peter made a noise of confusion, his shoulders were less tense. Ned thought he was forcing it more then it came naturally, but it was obvious he was easing into this conversation. “Like you said you didn’t know what was going on. How do you know now?”

 

“I…” Peter sighed “I got the Oscorp internship and hacked into Conner’s files. He didn’t know what was going on either, but he new where my dad’s computer and files were so I hacked into that too.” Peter said with more ease. In his peripheral vision he could catch Ned nodding.

 

“Okay, switching gears. And again, you don’t have to answer any of these questions-” Ned said quickly, trying to make Peter feel at ease. Peter put down his screwdriver and looked at Ned for the first time since class had started, dead in the eye. With such seriousness it made the other boy freeze. He’d only seen Peter like this a few times.

 

“Ned you are my best friends. I should’ve told you all these things before, I just didn’t know how and it was never the right time. I trust you completely, there should be nothing I can’t share with you and you the same. Ask me whatever question you’d like, I trust you to know what you need to and don’t need to.” Peter smiled a small encouraging smile and Ned returned it.

 

“Ben.” Ned said and Peter’s shoulder’s sagged. Ned understood Peter wouldn’t want to talk about it, but Ned needed to know. They both knew that. “You said he’s been...different since May died.” Peter scoffed.

 

“That’s putting it lightly.” he mumbled and went back to his web shooter. “But yeah. Drinking a lot, and he lost his job. I’ve been working at the Bugle and babysitting and tutoring the kids to get money for rent.” Peter explained. Ned nodded his head, a look of concentration on his face.

 

“But you don’t have enough money for food?” Peter paused before shaking his head ‘no’.  _ No more secrets. _ “Okay, if you need a place to crash or some food to eat, you can come by my place. I won’t tell my mom, but Peter are you  _ sure _ he’s not physically abusing you?”

 

“No.” Peter confirmed shaking his head. “Just words and making me pay rent and generally I like it better when he ignores me...he’s so angry all the time.” Peter hunched in a little and Ned nodded. 

 

“If it gets worse, you know to get an adult involved right?” Ned said worry seeping in his tone, and Peter nodded frantically to stop it from growing. Ned smiled. “Okay. Wow, everything is making more sense now.” Ned said a little sadly. 

 

“Okay, switching gears again.” Peter wondered what else could this be about. “MJ.”  _ What? _

 

“What about her?” Peter asked generally confused. He still didn’t look up at Ned, hard part about the talk they were having done. Tension all gone and Peter felt relieved that he could talk about this stuff with Ned now. It felt like a weight was off his shoulder.

 

“About what happened yesterday, and lunch today.” Ned said spinning in his chair as if they were having a normal conversation. It was, actually, normal- at least semi-normal. 

 

What about it?” Peter asked and Ned unimpressed look was spinning in and out of his peripheral vision.

 

“Don’t do that Peter. You didn’t react like a _ friend _ would react when Charles kissed her and when Charles wanted her to come to their table today.” Ned said blandly.

 

“I was not. It was just...strange. MJ isn’t usually that...forward and Charles...I needed help. You were there.” Peter said not letting the embarrassed feeling show in his face and keeping his mind trained on the web shooter casually. 

 

“Yeah I was, that isn’t  _ your _ normal reaction. So what’s up between you two?” Ned asked and Peter couldn’t help but feel like they were back in that hotel room all over again. Peter sighed.

 

“Nothing Ned. We’re just-”

 

“Normal friends don’t text each other at two am about memes.” Ned said blandly cutting him off. “And they don’t bake cookies as apologies. They also don’t talk and spend  _ that much _ time with each other.”

 

“We do.” Peter said referring to their late night Star Wars marathons.

 

“No, Girl and Guy friends don’t.” Ned said frustratingly.

 

“You know that’s stereotypical. Girls and Guys should be able to hang out without prejudice.” Peter mumbled and Ned stopped his chair from spinning and pointed at Peter.

 

“See! You are talking like her too!” Ned accused and Peter rolled his eyes.

 

“It’s an opinion Ned, that we both share. There is nothing going on. Not like that.” Peter said.

 

“Obviously,” Ned said again, a bit of disappointment seeping through his voice. “You and her seem to be going through a falling out...again.” Ned said.

 

“I was caught off guard yesterday Ned. And Charles was being kinda a jerk today, but you know we always have off days. It’s not MJ’s fault.” Peter said and as much as he knew that logically he had no reason to go through a falling out again - which he could feel himself going through with MJ - he couldn’t seem to stop it. Some sort of emotional blockade was in the way and it was honestly getting annoying at this point.

 

“Mhmm. I just hope it’s not as bad as last time.” Ned sighed and looked at his friend swirling in and out of view. “Peter mind if I ask you some questions?” Ned asked.

 

“You’re already doing that.” Peter pointed out. Ned ignored him.

 

“Do you, you know, like hanging around her?” Ned asked, weird question.

 

“Yeah,” Peter answered shortly.

 

“Elaborate, why do you like hanging out with her?” Ned rolled his eyes and Peter thought this  _ absolutely _ felt like the hotel room again. 

 

“Well,” he said “I like talking about books with her. I also like debating about some things with her-”

 

“Like politically? You hate politics.” Ned pointed out. Peter glanced at him and glared.

 

“I thought I was answering your question.” Peter said almost teasingly. “ And yes, she has some good points on it. And she sends Star Wars memes sometimes, when it fits the context.” Peter said and Ned grumbled about how lucky he was to receive a Star Wars meme from MJ in context. Peter smiled. “I dunno, she’s just always calm. It’s a nice break from you know, thwip thwip.” Peter gestured to his web shooters. “She’s not just smart either, she’s insightful. She cares about stuff, even if she doesn’t seem like it. But she doesn’t do unnecessary stuff that wastes time and has no value. She’s resourceful too. And honest, she won’t say things unless she means it. She’s a great friend.” Peter said and nodded. Ned took a while to ask his next question.

 

“What are her flaws?” Ned asked and Peter made another confused noise. “As a friend.” Ned added quickly.

 

“Uhm...well...she could...I dunno talk about what’s bothering her more than show it. Like she doesn’t have to slam the door on my face if she has a problem. She should know to come to us and, you know, talk it out.” Peter said.

 

“Hypocrite.” Ned said immediately and Peter made an indigent noise. 

 

“I’m not a hypocrite. Some things I  _ can’t _ tell you for your own safety. And I’m talking to you now.” Peter furrowed his brows and looked at Ned like an offended puppy. It was so cute and Ned couldn’t help but chuckle. His friend had always been cute like a puppy. 

 

“You have the same problem Peter. Bottling up problems until they burst.” Ned said wistfully and Peter groaned.

 

“That’s not even fair.” Peter whined and Ned chuckled.

 

“How so?” he asked teasingly. Peter grumbled and pouted like a child.

 

Ned really was the best.

 

OoOoO

 

MJ glared at Charles as they sat in their final period before they went home. 

 

When he leaned down to grab a pencil from his bag she swatted him on the shoulder a bit harder than necessary.

 

“Wha-? MJ?” he asked and MJ just glared. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“Why’d you do that to Peter? I just needed to help him with homework.” she said.

 

“He could’ve asked you last night.” Charles rolled his eyes and she huffed and crossed her arms. 

 

“He was busy last night. He has a life too you know. And for all I know, he could’ve been sleeping for once in his life. I’m not gonna discourage that.” MJ replied stubbornly. Charles looked at her for a minute.

 

“You’re...worried about him?” MJ looked at him like he was weird with a quirked brow.

 

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked simply. “He’s my friend.” she said and Charles stared at her for a minute longer.

 

“He should’ve figured it out himself.” Charles said simply going to the text they were just handed to read with pairs.”He’s the smartest kid on the team.”

 

“Yeah, in science and math. He works his ass off twice as hard for history and politics though.” MJ said in a mumble. It’s not that Peter didn’t get it, it’s that there was already so much stuff in that big brain of his that he never had  _ time  _ to properly learn it.

 

“Really?” Charles said astonished. As if Peter not knowing stuff was the most absurd thing in the world.

 

“Still works his ass off. And is working his ass off. And he doesn’t have to do it alone. Which is why I offered to help. And now if he doesn’t get this unit and fails, and gets kicked off the team, it’s on you.” MJ said blandly and Charles inhales a breath. “And If I have to put in Flash, I swear to god, I’m gonna kick you off too.” she said curtly. 

 

“Fine.” Charles blew out a breathe. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” MJ said simply. “Don’t think I’ll let you get away with what you said, cause you and I both none of what you said was necessary, true or even relevant. It was totally uncalled for.”

 

“Why do you care so much.” MJ paused when Charles asked that. “You’re usually heated when you know you’re right. And you are, but...never like this.”Charles points out and she notices he’s looking at her.

 

“Because Parker’s been through a lot of shit lately and he doesn’t deserve anymore.” MJ said simply. Her being one of them.

 

“You never seemed to care before. What changed?” Charles said naturally, and they were back to their natural demeanor. “Like, why are you friends with him?” it was said with no malice, just curiosity. MJ thought about it for a minute.

 

“Parker is like a puppy, a shy small toy labradoodle with brown curls. You know?” he nodded and she continued. “He’s confused and hides and is really happy all the time. But he’s intelligent and there isn’t much that can get passed him. He’s weird, but it’s endearing and he isn’t egotistical about his skills, instead further honing his skills. He’s also encouraging and pushing people to do their best.” MJ said with a small smile. Staring at the questions on her paper, but not really filtering it through. “And he’s always doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is for him. He wants to make sure everyone is okay.” MJ said with a wistful smile.

 

“Heh, tell me something good MJ.” Charles said teasingly and she scoffed.

 

“He puts everybody and I mean  _ everybody _ before himself. He hides things. If he thinks his problems will inconvenience us, he’ll push them down and pretend they are nothing. It’s annoying and worrying. Sorry, if I wanna look out for that loser but what can I say.” she shrugged.  _ He has charisma.  _ “But still, you literally kicked a puppy at lunch, or like did something that is equivalent to it. So that makes you an dick until further notice.”

 

Charles scoffed playfully and went back to his work. MJ would’ve too if she wasn’t thinking about what she had just said.

 

It was true. Peter was like an overeager puppy who wanted to play all the time. He wanted to make everyone happy and he the eyes to match. He was literally a human embodiment of one and it was adorable. He also had many of the expressions of one, such as kicked puppy, sad puppy, confused puppy, eager puppy, playful puppy, soft puppy, and she could go on and on. But he never seemed to notice, which made all the more endearing.

 

He was smart. And to be honest it was insane what a little genius he was. He could keep up with intellectual talks and documents about science, math, technology and engineering with such ease it looked like he was reading a first grade picture book. He could write papers about it with such detail and keep people inraptured to it. She never really cared for science before, but Peter made it sound so interesting and fun. She could listen to him talk about engineering concepts for hours and wouldn’t mind. She helped him when she was stuck and taught her all sorts of easy math tricks that helped a lot. He picked up things like history pretty easily when he was paying attention. But no matter how smart he was, he’d never stop working his ass off.

 

He doesn’t get arrogant or thinks he’s better than anyone either. Screw whatever Flash has to say about that, but it was true. In not only his intellectual skill, but his physical skill too. He never liked to show off, he did things to help people and once he learned a concept he won’t flaunt it to people who don’t know, instead try and explain it to them in an easier manner. 

 

He was also sweet. Like sweeter than anyone she’d ever met. But he was too shy so his social skill was down in the dumps, but it didn’t seem like he minded. He had the social battery like her, and tended to burn out mildly quick. He had a lot of energy, but he could burn out just as easy. Peter was calm and quiet and sometimes he just rambled about random things, but it wasn’t annoying. If anyone else rambled, it would be, but when Peter did it it was...almost therapeutic. He’d ramble about school or the kids he takes care of or science or technology or his latest project, and when they were alone he’d talk about the funny weird things he saw as Spiderman. Most of it was background noise, but MJ never really minded it. 

 

He cared a lot about other people and what they thought. About anything and anyone that was animated and/or living he put before himself. Which was endearing, but more worrying to her. He’d given her a heart attack god only knew how many times. And even if he was an open book, he still kept secrets. Some of which she could understand, because as much as he was her friend, she didn’t have superpowers. He couldn’t be there to protect her all the time, and even if he said she was strong and independent they both knew she couldn’t defend herself against someone like the Rhino or Vulture or any of his other plethora of enemies.

 

Still...there were somethings that he  _ could _ tell her. She wasn’t  _ completely _ helpless. And no matter how many times Peter said she was helpful, he seemed to forget in the middle of one of heists and totally bench her and Ned. Weather it being avoiding them or not telling them or saying the infamous line ‘ _ I just gotta do this by myself _ .’ It got annoying too, but she tried to see where he was coming from. He was trying to keep them safe. He probably could’ve gone about it better than he has been. But she couldn’t put it all on him, cause he really  _ did _ have a lot going on. He couldn’t be perfect 100% of the time, no matter how hard he tried.

 

She didn’t even notice that her paper was blank by the end of class.

 

OoOoO

 

For some reason he couldn’t get what Ned had said out of his head. 

 

During the entire patrol to through the city. He was just thinking about how he and MJ were friends and what he’d told the older boy earlier that day. 

 

It was true, what he said. MJ was calm, and collected. She never really got heated, so in debates, while the other person was stuttering- mainly him - their point, she could cooly and easily cut them off and counter it. It left her opponent in shambles and scrambling to cling on to their next topic. When he wasn’t the one being harassed by her debate skill, it was honestly funny to watch. 

 

Her observation skill was good too, she could tell basic emotion like anger and sadness and happiness and deal with them in her own way. Usually that would mean walking off and letting the other person deal with their problems their own way. But observing people made it easier for her to understand interaction. It was a little chilling though.

 

She cared. Actually she cared more than she’d admit, but Peter could tell. It always made him smile softly, when everyone thought she didn’t care about the debate topic, but she did. Or else she wouldn’t have the motivation to gather evidence on her debates. The more evidence she had to prove her claim, the more she cared about a topic. She could talk about women’s rights and gender boundaries for hours and Peter would listen to every minute of it.

 

She was also insightful. She took into account everyone’s opinions and if they were opposed to her, she had a direct counterclaim. It was great, because at some points he thought she knew everything, but then she’d pause and think about the best way to win the debate. She thought that winning isn't when the other opponent quits the debate, it was convincing them that you were correct. Often times she did that. And Ned was right, Peter never really paid attention to this kind of thing. But he couldn’t help but have an opinion on things when MJ did. Usually he’d have the same ones if he heard her speak, because whatever she said couldn’t be wrong in his mind, unless there was evidence to prove against it.

 

MJ really was an amazing person. Charles was lucky to have her. He’d love to spend hours talking about books and movies and just being around her in general for long periods of time. She had the same amount of social battery as Peter, so when they needed a break from speaking, she would be cool and read while he tinkered. It was awesome.

 

MJ was everything he could want in a girlfriend plus she was pretty t-  _ Wait! _

 

Peter mentally berated himself, he couldn’t think like this.  _ But you are _ . 

 

He couldn’t act on this. _ But you did. _

 

He was just friends with MJ. _ Maybe. _

 

He only like MJ as a _friend._ _Do you really?_

 

Right?

 

_ Ned was right. _

 

“Oh shit.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No body can deny Peter Parker is a puppy. In fact I'm making that a tag, if you have stories with cute Peter, please promote this tag.  
> JK, but no really why isn't it a tag already.


	6. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one, wow. Time to break this kid, who's kind of already broken a lot through this whole thing but oh well. I was kind of contemplating at school today weather or not I should change the summery, but I then it was all like, well this is too far in now. SO even if what I'm thinking is more suited to the story, I'm gonna keep it. It shouldn't really matter anyways. It was shorter, but my heart was kind of hurting by the end of it.   
> I went up to New York this weekend, and that was fun. I learned how to use the subway and metros from my friend, and yeah we have a metro in DC but like, it's kind of different. It was cool, I loved it.   
> Anyways, about the story, I just wanna say I have had the same problem Peter has in this story. I'll explain more after this so you guys don't get spoiled. But trust me this hurts.
> 
> Enjoy!!

**Acceptance**

 

He watched her from his table. 

 

He’d gotten an apology from Charles that morning and he’d easily forgiven him. Still didn’t make those words any less true. He was selfish and he couldn’t see what was  _ right there _ . He was too busy being Spider-man and school and rent and everything that took him away from just feeling normal emotions. Everything was going to fast for him, it was all speeding by so quick he didn’t even know what to do.

 

But it was like she was in slow motion. Her laugh, her smile. And the mere thought of it made him swell up with joy and when he remember he  _ wasn’t _ the one to make her smile and laugh something replaced it with raging envy and it clawed at his heart and sucked the breath right out of him. It felt worse than a sucker punch when she passed by him to peck Charles on the cheek. He had to find it in himself to lookawaylookaway _ lookaway _ . 

 

But he smiled and when they turned around to smile back at him, he bid them a good bye and they were off. In the opposite direction. Away from him. All direction that remotely pointed to him, simultaneously lead away from him. Because everyone ends up leaving and MJ would be no exception. Ned would be no exception. Mr.Stark would be no exception. 

 

There were no exceptions.

 

Cause everyone would get over him eventually. Still, that never meant he’d get over them. Any of them. Not his parents or May, not Conners or Captain Jones. No body. It’s why Peter distanced himself, because he still felt the rejection and loss even after all these years. Despite what they might’ve done, for a short time he had positive interactions with them. 

 

“Hey Peter, what’s up?” Ned broke his thoughts and Peter looked toward his friend, who had sat down next to him and was pulling a bagged lunch out of his backpack. 

 

“Ned,” Peter begun, fully expecting him to say  _ so you know what you said earlier about me liking MJ. Yeah, I’ve realized it’s kinda true and I don’t know what to do about it. _ “Do you think Leiah would’ve won in a fight against Luke if she learned how to use the force?” he asked lamely. Well it might not have been lame to Ned as his eyes lit up and he started going on a tangent.

 

Why couldn’t he just tell Ned? He’d kept his best friend in the dark about so many things, from Conners to Ben and his parents. He shouldn’t keep secrets like that from his best and one of his only friends that he trusted. One of the only people he trusted to tell  _ everything _ to. Ned was safe, and stable and would help him out even if he didn’t agree because he  _ understood _ . Understood that Peter didn’t have a choice in the risks he had to take in order to save people.

 

But this was different. It wasn’t a risk or physical event. It was a feeling, an emotion. One he knew he probably shouldn’t have because of his screwed up life and his dangerous alter-ego. If he had these kinds of feelings, then the opposite person could be targeted and affected. Liz was an example of that mistake. 

 

But this wasn’t like Liz. This was different. More real. He knew that because it hurt more whenever he looked at MJ and Charles and realized he could never have what they have. It hurt more because he knew in the bottom of his heart he’d do nothing to take away that happiness from her. He couldn’t live with himself if he did.

 

“Yeah so Leiah could probably kick Luke’s ass even without the force.” Ned said with a smile and Peter smiled along.

 

“You’re right.” 

 

OoOoO

 

MJ didn’t know how to feel about this.

 

Peter was scribbling profusely at his work. Ned had left to go talk to a teacher and was leaving them alone in study hall to work together. Which would’ve not been any problem, if Peter had said anything to her. 

 

Peter Parker was an on and off kind of person. She already knew this, and it made sense. With the situations that she knew of in his life as just Peter Parker, there would obviously be a lot that shut him down real quick. He’s experienced so many traumatic events in his real life that it wasn’t even funny. And that was without the spotlighting as a red and blue vigilante. That came with a whole new set of problems MJ didn’t know if she wanted to know. But she did know what the news told her, and sometimes Peter told her himself. Those were when she truly felt like they were friends. 

 

Peter had quirks and some of them annoyed the hell out of her. Others not so much and the rest she found that it was just  _ Peter _ . Innocent even if he had no right to be. Smart beyond all reason. Polite when he’d clearly grown up not to. He followed the rules and respected others, even if every other kid in his shoes would’ve taken their situation to act out. He did the right thing and always helped others before himself, often causing his health issues that had him passing out in the back of the classroom.

 

It was _ Peter Parker _ and she wouldn’t change a single thing about him. Because she’d take the good with the bad, and now she’d learned how to deal with it, she didn’t know how to feel about her best friend. And no she wouldn’t hesitate to call him her  _ best _ friend. He was his first friend and taught her what it meant to have someone to fall back on, and listen to her. No matter how trivial it was Peter listened. He wasn’t perfect, in fact he’d changed too. In a good way of course, he’d become more dependable and managed his double life better than he had before. She taught her about second chances that she never needed before, and all the effort to improving yourself. He was her inspiration. 

 

So she didn’t know how to feel about the bubbling feelings inside of her that pushed her to want to talk to him more than anyone else. Make her want to take care of him and be there for him, kind of like how Ned was. She was sometimes jealous of Ned, because Peter would tell him more, but it made sense. They’d known each other for longer, and as far as she knew, they never got into a fight or fallout. Ever. Ned was good for Peter, but she wanted Peter to trust her as much. And she’d earn that trust one day maybe. 

 

They were certainly getting better, and MJ wouldn’t be lying if she said things were better than before. So why did it feel like Peter was holding back more than usual. He was quiet and closed off, and that would be normal with literally any other person. Peter was naturally shy and reserved around other people, but around people he trusted? 

 

“Hey loser, you do the econ homework?” MJ asked and Peter looked up for a second from whatever he was doing and stared at her with wide eyes before shaking his head quickly and dropping his pencil over his calculus- the problem wasn’t even done yet- and rummaging through his folder to pull out the unfinished homework.

 

“I was gonna do it, after I-” she pulled the paper out of his hand and started to scribble in her own answers into the worksheet as she shoved her own math homework toward him to do. She got it, but functions were just tedious. Peter could do them faster anyway, and she knew Peter understood econ, she’d done the worksheet and it was meaningless. Peter took a minute before taking her work and she noticed a smile spread across his lips as he started talking about what he and Ned were talking about over lunch.

 

“Well of course Leia would win, she’s a badass.” Peter said happily and MJ smirked at his nerdiness, did she mention he was a huge dork? It was kind of cute. 

 

“Yeah she is.”

 

OoOoO

 

Peter got home that day at 12:04am. 

 

It was currently 1:46am and he still couldn’t sleep. Awake in his bed, he wasn’t even lying down. He was sitting upright knees to his chest and lower back against the wall. Hugging and pillow as he buried the lower half of his face into it. Staring blankly at the wall in front of him.

 

For two hours he’d been doing this and not think really anything, except for short bursts of things. And an image would pop into his mind and he’d suddenly get all teary. 

 

It was so  _ stupid _ because today was a  _ good day _ . He’d talked to Ned and MJ and he’d helped people cross the street. A mugger or two and he finished all his homework at school. Flash hadn’t bothered him, today was  _ great _ . 

 

So why did it feel like everything was crashing around him? Why was there a tightness in his chest? Why were there tears welling up in his eyes? 

 

A picture of MJ popped into his mind and another wave of emotion hit him.  _ MJ _ . He liked MJ. Like,  _ like _ liked her. And it was crushing him. He liked everything about her, from her independence to her snarky attitude. She read the best books, and the way she stuck out her tongue a little when she was really into one. Or the way she blew hair out of her face or tucked it behind her ear to get it out of the way. He thought the little things about her was what really made her great. 

 

But then there was Charles… He wasn’t a bad guy. In fact he was protective, especially of MJ and Peter could now understand fully why. She was a jem, a treasure. Misunderstood and hidden, but she was a  _ perfect _ partner. Everything about her that you wouldn’t think to make her so, was actually just another reason why. She was smart, pretty, independent and could defend herself. She was everything. Everytime he thought of her a feeling that he wasn’t sure he liked or disliked flowed through him.

 

It wasn’t the same feeling like Liz. It was different, cause as much as it felt so good and made his heart jump, it stabbed it to. It hurt, because he would never be looked at as anything more than a friend. He’d been too late, and blind and ignoring everything. 

 

It only hurt more when he realized even if he wasn’t too late to figure out what this was, or have some semblance at least, he’d never be able to act on it. Never be able to ask her out, because not only was he scared, he was worried. This type of relationship was delicate and would affect his actions not only on the field but in real life too. It was because of who he is that he could never ask for MJ to love him. 

 

_ Love _ . He’d always heard it was powerful and it caused a lot of pain, but he didn’t think it would cause  _ this much _ . It hurt. It hurt so freaking bad. He buried his face into his pillow. 

 

Peter decided he didn’t like love that much. Because he’d loved his parents and May, and now they were dead. He loved Ben and now he betrayed him. Because he didn’t know who to talk to, everyone he could’ve was either to interest or had done so much for him that he couldn’t ask any more of them. 

 

His chest felt like it was imploding and Peter let a few tears escape. He was in pain and didn’t know how to deal with it. In the dead of night when no was awake, and even if they were, they probably wouldn’t care.  No one had any obligation to care about him anymore and that hurt.

 

Cause no matter how mature or experienced or painful his life has been, no matter how much he’s been through. He was still a 16 year old kid from Queens, who had nothing and no one he could truly depend on. Because he just  _ knew  _ that everyone would leave him eventually, and he just knew he was avoiding reality by letting himself be diluted with the hope maybe  _ someone _ ? 

 

His phone buzzed and he looked at it with teary eyes. 

 

MJ had sent him an English meme. He smiled a sad broken smile that stretched across his face as tear freely slid down his face and replied with a Literature meme.

 

He didn’t take his eyes off the screen even after she said goodnight.

 

And his tears didn’t stop until he had to go to school.His smile never left. He remembered Bruce saying it was okay to messed up. But Peter didn’t feel messed up. Peter felt broken. And he wondered if that was okay too.

 

_ Messes can be cleaned, broken things can be fixed. _

 

But if no one knew how could he ever be fixed. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so yes. I have had nights like this before. Everything just kind comes onto you unexpectedly at once. I've had them while studying and I've had them while sitting in bed hugging a pillow. I've never really told anyone and apparently it's a type of panic attack cause by stress and confusion and anxiety. I've never had a typical panic attack, but I've had these sometimes and let me tell you, I wish I had someone there. I've never had them in the day, but after one is over I really wish I had talked to someone. I kind of keep these things inside, and I know I probably should talk to someone. This is actually the closest thing I've done to it. I just don't know how to tell anyone.   
> Anyways, thanks for reading and the next one should be fluffy and angsty. Kind of a mix of both, but if you know me I probably will lay the angst on THICK!! this kid is never gonna get a break, poor Peter.   
> Thankyou again!! Until next time!!


End file.
